Page:Sons and Lovers, 1913, Lawrence.djvu/373

Rh She sat with her head bent, fingering the sand.

“But you don’t really want a divorce from Baxter, do you?” he said.

It was some minutes before she replied.

“No,” she said, very deliberately; “I don’t think I do.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you feel as if you belonged to him?”

“No; I don’t think so.”

“What, then?”

“I think he belongs to me,” she replied.

He was silent for some minutes, listening to the wind blowing over the hoarse, dark sea.

“And you never really intended to belong to me?” he said.

“Yes, I do belong to you,” she answered.

“No,” he said; “because you don’t want to be divorced.”

It was a knot they could not untie, so they left it, took what they could get, and what they could not attain they ignored.

“I consider you treated Baxter rottenly,” he said another time.

He half expected Clara to answer him, as his mother would: “You consider your own affairs, and don’t know so much about other people’s.” But she took him seriously, almost to his own surprise.

“Why?” she said.

“I suppose you thought he was a lily of the valley, and so you put him in an appropriate pot, and tended him according. You made up your mind he was a lily of the valley, and it was no good his being a cow-parsnip. You wouldn’t have it.”

“I certainly never imagined him a lily of the valley.”

“You imagined him something he wasn’t. That’s just what a woman is. She thinks she knows what’s good for a man, and she’s going to see he gets it; and no matter if he’s starving, he may sit and whistle for what he needs, while she’s got him, and is giving him what’s good for him.”

“And what are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m thinking what tune I shall whistle,” he laughed.

And instead of boxing his ears, she considered him in earnest.

“You think I want to give you what’s good for you?” she asked.

“I hope so; but love should give a sense of freedom, not of prison. Miriam made me feel tied up like a donkey to a