Page:Sons and Lovers, 1913, Lawrence.djvu/339

Rh bear to see the movement. There was a silence; then he began to talk.

In chapel Miriam saw him find the place in the hymn-book for Clara, in exactly the same way as he used for herself. And during the sermon he could see the girl across the chapel, her hat throwing a dark shadow over her face. What did she think, seeing Clara with him? He did not stop to consider. He felt himself cruel towards Miriam.

After chapel he went over Pentrich with Clara. It was a dark autumn night. They had said good-bye to Miriam, and his heart had smitten him as he left the girl alone. “But it serves her right,” he said inside himself, and it almost gave him pleasure to go off under her eyes with this other handsome woman.

There was a scent of damp leaves in the darkness. Clara’s hand lay warm and inert in his own as they walked. He was full of conflict. The battle that raged inside him made him feel desperate.

Up Pentrich Hill Clara leaned against him as he went. He slid his arm round her waist. Feeling the strong motion of her body under his arm as she walked, the tightness in his chest because of Miriam relaxed, and the hot blood bathed him. He held her closer and closer.

Then: “You still keep on with Miriam,” she said quietly.

“Only talk. There never was a great deal more than talk between us,” he said bitterly.

“Your mother doesn’t care for her,” said Clara.

“No, or I might have married her. But it’s all up, really!”

Suddenly his voice went passionate with hate.

“If I was with her now, we should be jawing about the ‘Christian Mystery,’ or some such tack. Thank God, I’m not!”

They walked on in silence for some time.

“But you can’t really give her up,” said Clara.

“I don’t give her up, because there’s nothing to give,” he said.

“There is for her.”

“I don’t know why she and I shouldn’t be friends as long as we live,” he said. “But it’ll only be friends.”

Clara drew away from him, leaning away from contact with him.

“What are you drawing away for?” he asked.

She did not answer, but drew farther from him.

“Why do you want to walk alone?” he asked.