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you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am: I'm a genuine philanthropist—all other kinds are sham. Each little fault of temper and each social defect In my erring fellow creatures, I endeavour to correct. To all their little weaknesses I open people's eyes And little plans to snub the self sufficient I devise; I love my fellow creatures—I do all the good I can— Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! And I can't think why! To compliments inflated I've a withering reply. And vanity I always do my best to mortify; A charitable action I can skilfully dissect; And interested motives I'm delighted to detect. I know everybody's income and what everybody earns, And I carefully compare it with the income tax returns; But to benefit humanity, however much I plan, Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! And I can't think why!