Page:Sketches by Mark Twain.djvu/130

128 He said, &quot;Sir, have I the honour of addressing the poltroon who edits this mangy sheet?&quot;

&quot;You have. Be seated, sir. Be careful of the chair, one of its legs is gone. I believe I have the honour of addressing the putrid liar, Col. Blatherskite Tecumseh?&quot;

&quot;Right, sir. I have a little account to settle with you. If you are at leisure we will begin.&quot;

&quot;I have an article on the 'Encouraging Progress of Moral and Intellectual Development in America,' to finish, but there is no hurry. Begin.&quot;

Both pistols rang out their fierce clamour at the same instant. The chief lost a lock of his hair, and the Colonel's bullet ended its career in the fleshy part of my thigh.

The Colonel's left shoulder was clipped a little. They fired again. Both missed their men this time, but I got my share, a shot in the arm. At the third fire both gentlemen were wounded slightly, and I had a knuckle chipped. I then said I believed I would go out and take a walk, as this was a private matter, and I had a delicacy about participating in it further. But both gentleman begged me to keep my seat, and assured me that I was not in the way.

They then talked about the elections and the crops while they reloaded, and I fell to tying up my wounds. But presently they opened fire again with animation, and every shot took effect—but it is proper to remark that five out of the six fell to my share. The sixth one mortally wounded the Colonel, who remarked, with fine humour, that he would have to say good morning now, as he had