Page:Seventeen lectures on the study of medieval and modern history and kindred subjects.djvu/398

 that I have never plucked a candidate in the Schools without giving him every opportunity of setting himself right. I hope that I have never intrigued or bullied: I do not say this with any wish to imply that such things are ever done here; although the popular idea of the professorial character might suggest the need of a disclaimer; but, if there was temptation to do so, I claim to have resisted it. So much I trust that you will let me take credit for. I know that I have great faults; I have a good deal of sympathy but too little zeal: sometimes I have feared that, in my lack of zeal, my fellow- workers have detected or suspected a lack of sympathy: somehow the adage 'melior est conditio prohibentis' does come to be confused with or to be interpreted into the policy of 'How not to do it': perhaps I have tried to work too much in my own way and too little in theirs. Then too, I have never been able to reconcile myself with smoking, late hours, dinner parties, Sunday breakfasts, or University sermons: nor is Joe Pullen's tree such a land-mark in my life as it might very well be to the benefit of my constitution. I will say no more about informal instruction; I think that need not be remembered against me; if I am not mistaken, I have read over many proof-sheets and my name appears as the name of a helper in many prefaces.

Well so much for my apologia and confession! for want of zeal, for weakness of temper, for occasional absence of discretion, I do ask pardon of all whom I may have offended, or disappointed or misunderstood. I do not mind under the circumstances being called sentimental; I feel sentimental. I confess that I do hope that you will remember me kindly; and I wish to be judged, as I have tried to judge other historical personages, according as I have acted or have not acted up to my lights. I know that I have not been much of an organiser; I dislike to organise for other people, I still more dislike other people to organise for me; I have a great dislike of hard and fast rules, I would not so rule other people, I should still more dislike to have such rules made for me. If there is any virtue in this love of freedom, do not think that I am blind to the drawbacks which beset it. Only