Page:Selections from the writings of Kierkegaard.djvu/76

 74 University of Texas Bulletin

imaginable I deny myself the opportunity therefor â€” but my thought I have not prostituted. By no means do I lack an eye for what is beautiful, by no means does my heart re- main unmoved when I read the songs of the poets, by no means is my soul without sadness when it yields to the beautiful conception of love; but I do not wish to become unfaithful to my thought. And of what avail were it to be, for there is no happiness possible for me except my thought have free sway. If it had not, I would in desperation yearn for my thought, which I may not desert to cleave to a wife, for it is my immortal part and, hence, of more importance than a wife. Well do I comprehend that if any thing is sacred it is love ; that if faithlessness in any relation is base, it is doubly so in love ; that if any deceit is detestable, it is tenfold more detestable in love. But my soul is innocent of blame. I have never looked at any woman to desire her, neither have I fluttered about aimlessly before blindly plunging, or lapsing, into the most decisive of all relations. If I knew what the lovable were I would know with cer- tainty whether I had offended by tempting any one; but since I do not know, I am certain only of never having had the conscious desire to do so.

Supposing I should yield to love- and be made to laugh ; or supposing I should be cast down by terror, since I can- not find the narrow path which lovers travel as easily as if it were the broad highway, undisturbed by any doubts, which they surely have bestowed thought on (seeing our times have, indeed, reflected about all" and consequently will comprehend me when I assert that to act unreflectingly is nonsense, as one ought to have gone through all possible reflections before acting) â€” supposing, I say, I should yield to love! Would I not insult past redress riiy beloved one if I laughed; or irrevocably plunge her into despair if I were overwhelmed by terror? For I under- stand well enough that a woman cannot be expected to have thought as profoundly about these matters; and a

25Cf. note p. 60.