Page:Scribner's Monthly, Volume 12 (May–October 1876).djvu/292

 286 BRIC-A-BRAC. BRIC-A-BRAC. THE TRUE POCAHONTAS. Bitumen. A COSTLY JOKE. IN the flush times when oil-wells were the theme Whereon all enterprising minds were dwelling, And every speculator's fondest dream Saw great Petroleum's aromatic stream The rat of nature's broth, plutonic cream Spontaneously from his own well upwelling, Twelve gentlemen on money-making bent Assembled in an upper chamber spacious, To listen to an "enterprising gent' : While he to them should make it evident Much money might be made for little spent By any one sufficiently sagacious To furnish funds, by him to be invested In a location he himself had tested. "The territory where that well and derrick are Is the best oil country in America. The drill will very shortly reach bed-rock, Being already promisingly started." We paid our money and we took our stock, Whereat our disinterested friend departed. And then I marked, as I have marked before, 'Twas not possessing riches great or small, That fixed the due proportion each one bore. Those who have little always give the more, And those give least who have the greatest store. On them all burdens do most lightly fall, While some are like the cobbler in his stall When into one small hole he puts his little awl. Why need I here repeat the old, old story? We never saw again our cherished pelf; The reader will have guessed so, a priori, And very likely knows how 'tis, himself. When the whole enterprise had gone to pot Once more we stockholders convened a meeting : In the same sadly well-remembered spot We came to see where all our wealth was not ; And to the rest one then, there, thus gave greeting: "We poor outsiders do not feel so sore (Although we're neither more nor less than human) At having sacrificed our little store, For you rich folk, who know so vastly more, Have been deceived in spite of your acumen. And this deep hole that's proved so great a bore Although it has no oil, it has bit-you-men." JOSEPH KIRKLAND " Dick Amid" of the Fusileer Guards, on on occasion nearly involved himself in a duel by hi love of a "sell." He was dining at "the mess,' and there happened to be present a fire-eating, quar relsome man, who had been involved in many affair of honor. Dick, who had all the pluck of a son o Erin, and who had listened patiently to this oracl laying down the law, thought he would cause laugh at his expense ; so, suddenly turning to him he quietly said : " I saw a man to-day who woulc give any sum of money he possessed to kick you.' " Kick me ! kick me ! I call upon you to nam him," at the same time turning livid with rage. " Oh bedad, I'll not tell you," replied his tormentor, insist upon knowing," interrupted the angry man "Well, if you wish to know, but it must not go further, the man was " " Who ? who ? " " Ah don't be in such a hurry ; the man was Billy Water who goes about in a bowl, because, why, he has no any legs, and, by the powers, would give all he has to be able to kick any one." An auditor, being asked how he liked the perform ances of a certain dramatic club, replied that h should hardly call it a club, but rather a collection of sticks.

A gentleman, dining with a friend, was asked wha part of the fowl he preferred. " Oh, only a bone.' This request was literally taken, and, a bone, well scraped, was sent to him. "Half of that, if yo please," said he, sending back his plate.