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Mrs. Partington came into the room in a state of great excitement. 'Do you know,' said she, 'they have formed another of those coalitions? Well, I declare it is too bad. The price of coals will be up to I don't know what.'

'Bill, you young scamp, if you had your due, you'd get a good whipping.' 'I know it, daddy, but bills are not always paid when due.' The agonised father trembled lest his hopeful son should be suddenly snatched from him.

A young man being cured of a martial predilection by being present in a skirmish, it was said of him that he had an itch for military distinction, but the smell of sulphur cured it.

A man by the name of Philo, who was married to a lady named Sophy, observed, that uniting his name with the lady's, put him in possession of philosophy.

A captain of a vessel loading coals, went into a merchant's counting-house, and requested the loan of a rake. The merchant, looking towards his clerks, replied— 'I I have a number of them, but none, I believe, wish to be hauled over the coals.'

An old farmer, whose son had died lately, was visited by a neighbour, who began to condole with him on his loss. 'My loss? exclaimed the father, 'no such thing- his own loss-he was of age.'

A vagrant called at a house on a Sunday, and begged for some cider. The lady refused to give him any, and he reminded her of the oft-quoted remark, that she 'might entertain an angel unawares.' 'Yes,' said she, but angels don't go about drinking cider on Sundays.'

Time to me this truth has taught,

'Tis a truth that's worth revealing-

More offend for want of thought

Than from any want of feeling,

If advice we would convey,

There's a time we should convey it;

If wo've but a word to say,

There's a time in which to say it.

A Yankee editor remarked, in a polemical article, that though he would not call his opponent a liar, he must say, that if tho gentleman had intended to state what was utterly false, he had been remarkably successful in his attempt.