Page:Scrap-book.pdf/8

 'Colonel W-is a fine-looking man, isn't he?' said a friend the other day. Yes,' replied another; 'I wa taken for him once.' 'You! why you're as ugly as sin. 'I don't care for that, I was taken for him once-I endorsed his note, and I was taken for him by the sheriff.'

A witness in an Irish Court of Justice stated that he was suddenly roused from his slumbers by a blow on his lead. 'And how did you find yourself?' asked the counsel. 'Fast asleep,' replied the witness.

'If you are a cingle man, Pik, taik my advice, and stay so; or, if you will marry-if you mus have a wyf- never permit yourself to be overcum by a widder? Thems the sentiments of one who has tried aud noes.'

'It is a curious fact,' says the Medical Times, that the most carnivorous quadrupeds are more averse to devouring women than men.' Yet women are described as the tender sex.

A witty rogue, brought before a Parisian tribunal for a drunken riot, on one occasion, assured the bench that he was not a drunkard, but in his childhood lie was bitten by a mad dog, and he had ever since a horror of water.

'I don't like to play forfeits,' said Jemima, 'and have all the fellows kissing me-it makes me common property.' Nothing is common which is dear,' meekly responded Bemus.

The local American papers state that a teacher in Virginia, giving lessons in geography, asked a boy, 'What state do you live in? The urchin hit the fact when he bawled out, A state of sin and misery.'

Dr. Wing, being asked where a young lady's waist began, replied, 'At the altar. The moment they liave you trapped, they come down on your pocket-book like a hawk upon a May bug. After they are married they are all waste.' What a libellous fellow!

The principal of an academy, in his advertisement, mentioned his female assistant, and the 'reputation for teaching which she bears;' but tho printer-careless fellow-left out the which, so the advertisement went forth commending the lady's reputation for teaching she bears!'