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A glass of soda water was offered the other day to Irishman, who rejected it with the greatest indignati 'Do you think I am a salamander, said he, 'to d water boiling hot?'

By Mac and O, you'll always know

True Irishmen, they say;

For if they lack both O and Mac,

No Irishmen are they.

Law and logic are like a piece of india-rubber, ea pulled into any shape.

An amorous swain told the story of his heart's af tions by a strange emblem-he presented his lady-I with a microscope. Fatal giftǃ she viewed his imp fections through it, and rejected him.

An authoress speaks of boys of eighteen or twenty having arrived at an age of detestability.'

In a certain benighted part of the country may be se on the outside of a humble cottage, the following insertion in large gilt letters:-

'A Seminary for Young Ladies.'

This was, perhaps, too abstruse for the villagers, as immediately underneath there is added, in rude characte

'Notey Beny-Allso, a Gals Skool.'

An Irishman some time ago was committed to t House of Correction for a misdemeanour, and sentence to work on the tread-wheel for the space of a mont He observed, at the expiration of his task,-'What grate dale of fatigue and botheration it would have sav us poor crathers, if they had but invinted it to go stheeme, liko all other water-mills; for burn ine if I ha not been afther going up stairs for this four weeks, b could not reach the chamber-door at all, at all.'

A Dutch householder, bragging of his worldly gen writes:-

I've got a pig cat and I've got a pig tog,

I've got a pig calf and I've got a pig bog,

I've got a pig baby so pig and so tall,

And I've got a pig vife dat's pigger as all.

'Class in spelling, come up and recite. 'Yeth, thi 'John, spell effects.' 'F-X.' 'Right. Next, spell seedy 'C-D.' 'Right again.'