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'That's what I call a repetition,' exclaimed a friend tho other day. What's that, Tom?' said we. 'Why look at that sign across the way-J. E. Weller, jeweller.'

'Am I not a little pale?', inquired a lady, who was rather short and corpulent, of a crusty old bachelor. 'You look more like a big tub,' was the blunt reply.

An Irishiman fights before he reasons; a Scotchman reasons before he tights; an Englishman is not particular as to the order of precedence, but will do either, to accommodate his customers.

A recent philosopher discovered a method to avoid being dunned! 'How-how-how?' we hear overybody asking. Never run in debt.

How beautiful,' said a lady, 'the face of nature looks after undergoing a shower! Yes, madam, and so would yours, after undergoing a similar process.'

Dr. Samuel Johnson, when travelling in Invernessshire with Boswell, addressed a man at work in a peatmoss. How far are we from Fort-William, friend? I think wo have been deviating the last half hour. 'Like eneuch,' replied the man, but I've been divoting here sin' six o'clock this morning.'

A pretty girl was lately complaining to a friend that she had a cold, and was sadly plagued in her lips by claps (cracks or clefts.) 'Friend,' said Obadiah, 'thee should never suffer the chaps to come near thy lips.'

An American physician announces that he has changed his residence to the neighbourhood of the churchyard, which he hopes may prove a convenience to his numerous patientsǃ

When Bishop Aylmer observed his congregation inattentive, ho used to read some verses out of the Hebrew Bible, at which the people naturally stared with astonishment. He then addressed them on the folly of greedily listening to what concerned them not, while they wore inattentive to matters in which their best interests were deeply involved.

If wisdom's ways you'd wisely seek,

Five things observe with care:

Of whom you speak-to whom you speak-

And how-and when-and where.