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 THE

SCRAP-BOOK.

A gentleman, complaining to his bootmaker that a pair of boots recently sent were too short, and that he wanted a pair to cover the whole calf, had the following jeu d'esprit sent to him:-

These boots were never made for me,

They are too short by half;

I want them long enough, d'ye see,

To cover all the calf.

Why, sir, said Last, with stifled smile,

To alter them I'll try;

But if they cover all the calf,

They must be five feet fight high.

A gentleman, who had gained a handsome fortune by unremitted industry, was once accosted with, I say, John, why don't you have a coat of arms on your carriage?' 'Oh!' said the gentleman, 'I want no coat of arms; when I first came into L- I wore a coat without arms.'

An elderly lady, telling her age, remarked that she was born on the 22d of April. Her husband, who was present, observed, 'I always thought you were born on the first of April 'People might well judge so,' responded the matron, 'in the choice I made of a husband.'

A gentleman remarking that he had lost his watch through the carelessness of a servant, in leaving the house unguarded, concluded by saying-'However, it was a poor one. Miss B. replied, 'Why, sir, a gentleman like you should have kept a better watch.'

A gentleman looking at his watch, just after midnight, cried, 'It is to-morrow morning! I must bid you good night?'