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The inhabitants of Mount Street, Southampton, were alarmned one morning at three o'clock by a drunken fellow crying, 'Fire! Fire! 'Where, for God's sake, is it?' exclaimed a hundred voices at once. That's exactly what I want to know,' replied the fellow, 'for my pipe's gone out.'

For the gout, says one, toast and water; for bile, exercise; for corns, easy shoes; for rheumatism, new flannel and patience; for toothache, pluck it out.

A venerable Seoteh minister used to say to any of his flock who were labouring under affliction, 'Time is short, and if your cross is heavy, you have not far to carry it.' La Motte, who had lost his eyesight, being one day in a crowd, accidently trod upon tho foot of a young man, who instantly struck him on the faco. 'Sir,' said La Motte, 'you will be sorry for what you have done, when I tell you that I am blind.'

Coward is a feudal expression, implying cow-herd, for which employment a man void of courage was deemed only fit for.

Mr. Wilmot, an infidel, when dying, laid his trembling emaciated hand upon the sacred volume, and exclaimed solemnly, and with unwonted energy, 'The only objection against this book, is-a bad life.'

Franklin, one of the greatest philosophers and statesmen of America, was onco a printer's boy. Simpson, the Scotch mathematician, and author of many learned works, was at first a poor weaver. Herschel, ono of the most eminent astronomer's, rose from the low station of a fifer boy in the army. These examples show us the happy effects of assiduity and perseverance.

There are boys who think themselves men, and who go to barbers' shops to be, as they say, 'bared.' We heard of a juvenile who went to be scraped, and tho barber having adjusted the cloth, and soaped his smooth skin, left him and went lounging about his door. As soon as the young 'gent,' saw him sauntering, he impatiently screamed out, 'Well, what are you leaving me all this time here for?' The witty barber replied, I'm waiting until your beard grows!'

TO FIND 'MEAN' TIME.-Learn of Molly the maid the time of dinner, and always drop is at the exact moment.