Page:Scrap-book.pdf/23

 23

The following advertisement was recently inserted in a New York paper:-'Wanted-An experienced nurse to take charge of a young child, between 30 and 35 years old, of unexceptionable character and good reference, None need apply who cannot produce the best testimonials.'

A simple Highland girl, on her way homo for the north, called, as she passed by Crieff, upon an old master with whom she had formerly served. Being kindly invited by him to share in tho family dinner, and the usual ceremony of asking a blessing having been gone through, the poor girl, anxious to compliment, as she conceived, her ancient host, exclaimed, 'Ah, master, yo maun hao a grand memory, for that's the grace ye had when I was wi' you seven years ago.'

A countryman busy sowing his ground, two smart fellows riding that way, one of them called to him with an insolent air, 'Well, honest fellow,' said he, ''tis your business to sow, but we reap the fruits of your labour.' To which the countryman replied, ''Tis very like you may, for I am sowing hemp.'

A wit being asked what the word genius meant, replied, 'If you had it in you, you would not ask the question; but as you have not, you will never know what it means.'

A person, who was famous for arriving just at dinner-time, upon going to a friend's (where he was a frequent visitor), was asked by a lady of the house if he would do as they did. On his replying he should be happy to have the pleasure, she replied, 'Dine at home, then.' He, of course, had received his quietus for some time, at least.

Two gentlemen, a few days since, took a boat at Blackfriar's-bridge to go to tho Tower. One of them asked the other who sat beside him, if he could tell him what countryman tho waterman was. He replied he could not. 'Then,' said his friend, 'I can; ho is a Ro-man.' A Cockney being told the above, said 'the pun was wherry good.'

During a late crowded night at Covent Garden Theatre, a pretty woman, on whom the heat acted as a powerful sudorific, attracted general attention. A gentleman, after viewing her for a few minutes, exclaimed, A charming painting in oil.'