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Pat. Murphy, residing in Raymond Street, was lately fined twenty shillings and costs, for keeping six full-grown pigs in his front parlour!

'I wonder how they make lucifer matches?' said a young lady to her husband, with whom she was always quarrelling. The process is very simple-I once made one,' he answered. How did you manage it?'-'By leading you to church.'

We are authorised to say that Mr. John Macdonald of Mansfield Wood House, who attained his hundredth year last November, will run any man in England, his own weight and age, for any sum. N.B.-No hurdles.

A gentleman passing through one of the public offices was affronted by some clerks, and was advised to complain to the principal, which he did thus: "I have been abused here by some of the rascals in this place, and have come to acquaint you of it, as I understand you are the principal.'

A young lady, a native of Sydney, being asked if she should like to go to Britain, answered that she should like to see it, but not to live in it. On being pressed for her reason, she replied, 'That from the large number of pad people sent out from thence, it must surely be a very wieked place to live in!'

Did our readers ever remark that the gentlemen who carry round the plate, and who are always on a cold scent after a penny, are not themselves very liberal in heir contributions? 'Why don't you put in something?' asked a contributor, of one of these Sunday sub-treasurers, on one occasion. 'That's my business,' was the reply: what I give is nothing to nobody.'

'What are you writing there, my boy?' asked a fund parent the other day of his hopeful son and heir, a shaver of ten years.-'My compesition, thir.' 'What is the subsect?-'International law, thir,' replied the youthful Grotius; 'but really I shall be unable to conthentrate my ideas, and give them a logical relation, if I am onthantly interrupted in thith manner by irrelevant inquiries.'

A widow said once to her daughter, 'When you are of my age, you will be dreaming of a husband.' 'Yes, mamma, replied the thoughtless little hussy, 'for a second time.