Page:Scrap-book.pdf/20

 20

Lately in the Court of Exchequer, a builder's seaf-folder described a foreman as 'a man who walks about and does nothing, and orders everybody else to work.'

Some time ago, a provision merchaut's shop in Leith had on its signboard, Butter sold here for smearing sheep and bakers.'

'Well, John,' said a doctor to a lad, whose mother he had been attending during her illness, how is your mother!' 'She's dead, I thank you, sir,' was the reply.

A gentleman well acquainted with a certain alderman, being asked what sort of a Lord Mayor he thought he would make, answered, 'An unaccountable one.'

Horace Walpole tells a story of a Lord Mayor of London in his time, who, having heard that a friend had the small-pox twice, and died of it, asked if he died the first time or the second.

A servant girl said the other day, that she gave but twelve pence for the cap she had on her head; a gentleman observed, 'Then you have a crown piece for a shilling.'

'A steam-boat (Jonathan says) has got a saw-mill on one side, and a grist-mill on totlier, and a blacksmith's shop in the middle, and down cellar there's a tarnation great pot boiling all the time.'

Why is twice eleven like twice ten? Because twice eleven is twenty-two, and twice ten is twenty too.

A letter passed through the Shields Post-office a short time ago, For Betsy Robinson, a Scotch Woman with One Eye, Carey Bauk, North Shields.'

A woman offering to sign a deed, the judge asked her whether her husband compelled lier to sign. He compel me!' said the lady, 'no, nor twenty like him.'

How is your son to-day ? asked a friend of a stock-brother. 'Very bad,' replied the old gentleman, striving to compose his agitated features: 'Very bad, indeed! I would not give ten per cent. for his chance of life.'

You had better ask for manners than money,' said a finely-dressed gentleman to a beggar boy who had asked for alms. 'I asked for what I thought you had the most of,' was the boy's reply.