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'Well, Alick, how's your brother Ike getting along these times?' Oh, first rate-got a good start in tho world; married a widow with nine children.'

A little girl inquired of her friend, who had passed her eighth year, 'What causes the rain?' to which the following beautiful reply was given: The drops of rain are the tears shed by angels over the sins of the world.'

A gentleman, inquiring of a naval officer why sailors generally take off their shirts when going into action, was answered, that they may not have any check to fightin''

An American editor states that a friend of his carries his sense of honour so far, as to spend all his time in perfect idleness, because he does not even like to take advantage of time.

A poor Irishman offered an old saucepan for sale. His children gathered around him, and inquired why he parted with it. 'Ah, my honeys,' answered he, I would not be afther parting with it, but for a little money to buy something to put in it.'

A gentleman calling for some beer at another gentleman's table, finding it very bad, gave it to the servant again without drinking. 'Whatǃ' said the master of the house, 'don't you like the beer?' 'It is not to be found fault with,' answered the other, 'for we should never speak ill of the dead.'

At an excellent hotel, not a hundred miles from Liverpool, they were one day short of a waiter, when a newly-arrived Hibernian was hastily made to supply the place of a more expert hand. 'Now, Barney,' said mine host, 'mind you serve every man with soup, anyhow.' 'Be-dad, I'll do that same, said the alert Barney. Soup came on the start, and Barney, after helping all but one guest, came upon tho last ono. 'Soup, sir ?' said Barney. 'No soup for me,' said the gent. 'But you must have it,' said Barney; 'it is the rules of the house.' 'D-n the house,' exclaimed tho guest, highly exasperated; 'when I don't want soup I won't eat it-got along with you.' Well,' said Barney, with solemnity, 'all I can say is jist this-it's the regulations of the house, and the divil a drop else ye'll get till ye finish the soup!' The traveller then gave in, and tho soup was gobbled.