Page:Scrap-book.pdf/18

 18

'Shon,' said a Dutchman, you may say what you please pout pad neighbours; I have had to vorst neighbours as never was. Mine pigs and mine hens come home wit dere ears split, and todder day two of them come home missing.'

Soon after Dr. Johnson's return from Scotland to London, a Scottish lady, at whose houso he was, as a compliment ordered some hotch-potch for his dinner. After the Doctor had tasted it, she asked him if it was good? To which he replied, 'Very good for hogs!' 'Then pray,' said the lady, allow me to help you to a little more of it.'

An Irish doctor advertises, that the deaf may hear of him at a house in Liffey Street, where his blind patients may see him from 10 till 3.

'Pat,' said a gent. to his servant, 'what's all that noise in the street?' 'Oh, nothing, sir; they're only forcing a man to turn volunteer.'

When you are in at a neighbour's in the evening, and a man asks his wife how long before she is going to bed, you may safely conclude that you had better leave.

The following advertisement appeared lately in an Irish newspaper: This is to notify Patrick O'Flaherty, who lately left his lodġings, that if he does not return soon, and pay for the same, he shall be advertised.'

Some days ago, a pretty, bright little juvenile friend, some five years of age, named Rosa, was teased a good deal by a gentleman who visits the family; he finally wound up by saying: 'Rosa, I don't love you.' 'Ah, but you've got to love me,' said the child. 'How so?' asked her tormentor. 'Why,' said Rosa, the Bible says you must love them that hate you, and I am sure I hate you!'

At an infant-school examination a few days ago, the examiner asked, "What fish eat the little ones The big 'uns,' shouted a little urchin.

'Don't you understand me, Jim?' thundered the old man. 'Why, you must be quite a fool.' 'True, I am very near one,' meekly replied Jim.

A constant frequenter of city feasts having grown enormously fat, it was proposed to write on his back, Widened at the expense of the Corporation.'