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A celebrated divine, who had prided himself upon his originality, and who would reject his best thought if he imagined it was traceable to any previous author, was startled one day by a friend coolly telling him that every word of his favourite discourse was stolen from a book he had at home. The astonished writer, staggered by his friend's carnestness, begged for a sight of this volume. He was, however, released from his misery by the other smilingly announcing the work in question to be 'Johnson's Dictionary,' where, continued his tormentor, 'I undertake to find every word of your discourse.'

After listening to Bushfield Ferraud's fervid appeal at New Malton, a shrewd Yorkshire farmer was asked what he thought of the speech? His reply was, simply, 'Why, I don't kuow, but I think six hours' rain would hae done us a deal mair good!'

An American, formerly master of a vessel, who recently returned from California, where he has been operating for about a couple of years, was thus accosted:- 'Well, Captain H., I suppose you have made enough this trip to stay at home, and lay off the rest of your days?- 'Well, yes, I have made something, Pursuing his interrogations still further-'Well, captain, how much of the stuff did you bring home?- 'Well, sir, about as much as a good donkey could haul down-hill upon ice.'

During the late session at N-,a man was brought up by a farmer, and accused of stealing some ducks. The farmer said, he should know them anywhere, and went on to describe their peculiarity. Why, said the counsel for the prisoner, they can't be such a very rare breed- I have some like them in my yard.' 'That's very likely, sir,' said the farmer: 'these are not the only ducks of the sort I have had stolen lately.'

There is one disease that a miser is pretty sure never to die of-aud that is, 'enlargement of the heart.'

Medicine has killed as many people as war. Powder aud pills are as fatal as powder and ball. Be careful, therefore, how you allow people to shoot them into you.

'Och, an' what's yer honor agoin' to give me, seein' as it's myself that saved yer honor's house from turnin' to ashes intirely?' 'How, so, Pat ?'-'An sure, when it cotehed afire, wasn't I the second one that hollered fire first?'