Page:Scots piper's queries, or, John Falkirk's cariches (2).pdf/3

 perfect spite bites her own tongue with her own teeth: my hearty wish is that all such wicked vipers may ever do so.

Q What is the effectual cure and infalliable remedy for a scolding wife?

A The only cure is to get out of the hearing of her; but the infaliable remedy is to nail her tongue to a growing tree, in the beginning of a cold winter night, and so let it stand till sun rising next morning; then she'll become one of the peaceblest women that ever lay by a man's side.

Q. What time of the year is it that there are most holes open?

A In harvest when there are stubbles.

Q At what time is the cow heaviest?

A When the bull is on her back.

Q Who was the goodman's muckle cow's calf's mother?

A The muckle cow herself.

Q What is the likest thing to a man and a horse?

A A taylor and a mare.

Q What is the hardest dinner that ever a tailor laid his teeth on?

A His own goose,though ever so well boil'd or roasted.