Page:Scots piper's queries, or, John Falkirk's cariches, made both plain and easy.pdf/8

 Q. What sort of a song is it, that is sung without a tongue, and its notes are understood by people of all nations?

A. It is a fart, which every person knows to be but wind.

Q. What is the reason that young people are vain, giddy-headed, and airy, and not so humble as the children of former years?

A. Because they are brought up and educate after a more haughty strain, by reading fables, plays, novels, and romances; gospel-books, such as the psalm-book, proverbs, and catechisms, are like old almanacks; nothing in vogue, but fiddle, flute, Troy, and Babylonish tunes; our plain English speech corrupted with beauish cants, don't, won't, nen, and ken, a jargon worse than Yorkshire dialect.

Q. Why is swearing become so common amongst the Scots people?

A. Because so many lofty teachers come from the south amongst us where swearing is practised in its true grammatical perfection, hot oaths new struck, with as bright a lustre as a new quarter guinea.

Q. How will ye know the bones of a mason's mare at the back of a dyke amongst the bones of a hundred dead horses?

A. Because it is made of wood.

Q. Which are the two things not to be spared and not to be abused?

A. A soldier's coat, and a hired horse.