Page:Scots piper's queries, or, John Falkirk's cariches, made both plain and easy.pdf/2



HAT is the wisest behaviour of ignorant persons?

A. To speak of nothing but what they know, and to give their opinion of nothing but what they understand.

Q. What time is a scolding wife at the best?

A. When she is fast asleep.

Q: What time is a scolding wife at the worst?

A. When she is that wicked as to tear the hair out of her own head, when she cannot get at her neighbours, and thro' perfect spite bites her own tongue with her own teeth; my hearty wish is, that all such wicked vipers may ever do so.

Q. What is the effectual cure and infallible remedy for a scolding wife?

A. The only cure is to get out of the hearing of her, but the infallible remedy is to nail her tongue to a growing tree, in the beginning of a cold winter night, and so let her stand till sun-rising next morning, she'll become one of the peaceablest women that ever lay by a man's side.

Q. What time of the year is it that there is most holes open?

A In harvest when there are stubbles.

Q. At what time is the cow heaviest?

A. When the bull is on her back.

Q. Who was the goodman's muckle cow's calf's mother?

A. None but the muckle cow herself.

Q. What is the likest thing to a man and a horse?

A. A taylor and a mare.

Q. What is the hardest dinner that ever a taylor laid his teeth to?