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 sweatin' in my efforts to git the syllables all straight in a row and drive 'em on in front of me, and he standin' lookin' like a martyr. He bore up under it wonderful, I must say that for him, lookin' bad but speechless. It wuz jest after that last effort of mine to git the name jest right (for I wuz introducin' him to Elder Minkley, and I always try to do my best by ministers, good creeters, they deserve it), that I wunked Tamer Ann out, she lookin' mad, and I red and prespirin' with my efforts, and, sez I, "This must end, Tamer Ann."

And sez she, "I should think as much!"

"Well," sez I, "Von Crank or Von Wink is what that young man will be called by me for the rest of my days."

She demurred, but I stood firm. Sez I, "I may have to speak his name several times while I live, and life is too short for me to go stumblin' round amongst the syllables of his name and wrastlin' and bein' throwed by 'em. Von Crank is my choice, but you may take your pick in the two names."

She see I wuz firm as adamantine rock, and so she yielded, and Von Crank is what I've called him ever since. Tom Willis acted tickled, and so did Thomas J. Thomas J. sets a sight by Tom Willis, and so we all do. He is a likely young feller, light complected, with blue-gray eyes that are keen and flashin', and soft at the same time, and no beard, only a mustache; a tall, broad-shouldered young chap. And as I say he wuz tickled to see Von Crank stand up straight and stiff and immovable genteel, and I callin' him by so many awful names and knowin' by my firm stiddy mean I wuz doin' my very best by him and myself and the world at large.

It hain't nateral under the circumstances that Tom