Page:Rolland - Clerambault, tr. Miller, 1921.djvu/62



They waited so long that the end of his leave came. A little while before he went, Maxime came into his father's study resolved to explain himself:

"Papa, are you quite sure?" ...

The trouble painted on Clerambault's face checked the words on his lips. He had pity on him and asked if his father was quite sure at what time the train was to leave and Clerambault heard the end of the question with an only too visible relief. When he had supplied all the information--that Maxime did not listen to--he mounted his oratorical hobby-horse again and started out with one of his habitual idealistic declamations. Maxime held his peace, discouraged, and for the last hour they spoke only of trifles. All but the mother felt that the essential had not been uttered; only light and confident words, an apparent excitement, but a deep sigh in the heart--"My God! my God! why hast thou forsaken us?"

When Maxime left he was really glad to go back to the front. The gulf that he had found between the front and rear seemed to him deeper than the trenches, and guns did not appear to him as murderous as ideas.

As the railway carriage drew out of the station he leaned from the window and followed with his eyes the tearful faces of his family fading in the distance, and he thought:

"Poor dears, you are their victims and we are yours."