Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/88

78 have mercy, and whom he would be hardened. Sometimes, indeed, my soul was sick with doubt and apprehension. When engaged in the work of self-examination, one evil propensity, after another, which I had believed dead, seemed to revive in my bosom: I feared, that my faith was all fancy; and that the hope, which I encouraged, was the hope of the hypocrite, which would be as the giving up of the ghost. Upon these occasions, I experienced unutterable anguish, and my days and nights were, with very little intermission, devoted to sorrow. The distress, I so evidently suffered, endeared me to my new religious connexions; every one of whom endeavoured to administer consolation, encouraging me to cherish hope, from the consideration of my despair! My life was now more active than it had ever been, and my connexions more numerous. I was much occupied by business, yet my hours of devotion were sacred; I rose at four o'clock, in summer and winter. My meals consumed but a small portion of time. The moments, thus passed by others, were, by me, devoted to private prayer. My evenings were passed at the tabernacle, and, when Mr. Whitefield preached, my soul was transported. I returned home exceedingly refreshed, and prostrating myself at the footstool of my Maker, I acknowledged with gratitude the tender mercies of my Redeemer, who had graciously separated me from those, who were murdering their time, and their precious souls; and my thanksgivings were reiterated to that God, who had mercifully rescued me from enormities so prodigious. Thus rolled on the week, until Sunday; to me, indeed, a holy day, and one to which I looked forward with the most delightful anticipations. Upon this morning, I arose even earlier than usual; attending either at the tabernacle, or at the chapel, in Tottenham-court, at which places the communion was alternately given, every Sunday morning. Great numbers attended upon these occasions, who were not regular tabernacle worshippers; obtaining a ticket of admittance, they took their seats. It appeared to me, like a prelibation of heaven. The Elect of God, from every denomination, assembled round the table of the Lord; a word of consolation was always given, and an evangelical hymn most delightfully sung. These Sunday mornings were, indeed, golden opportunities; my doubts were generally removed, and I came home in raptures. It was in such a peacefully religious frame of mind as this, that I was passing from the tabernacle, on a fine summer's morning, deriving high satisfaction from the consideration, that I loved the brethren. I know, said I, internally, that I have passed from death unto life, because I love the brethren. It is true, I felt a very strong