Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/79

Rh die first. This was the most melancholy night, I had passed, since I left the dwelling of my mother. I arose in the morning unrefreshed, I inquired where the stage put up, I had forgotten; I told my host, I had left my trunk at the stage-house. He soon found the place, but he despaired of ever obtaining my trunk; I recovered it however, and a porter took it to my lodgings, there I believed it safe, although I knew nothing of the people. I recollected where I had lived, when with my father in this city; thither I repaired; but although there were remaining individuals who remembered him, no one recognised me. I was however kindly noticed, for his sake, and soon introduced to many, by whom I was much caressed. From this I reaped no benefit; a few of my Methodist friends, whom I had known in Ireland, visited me, but, seeing me in company which they did not approve, they stood aloof from me. In the judgment of Mr. Wesley, and his adherents, my principles were against me. They did not believe any man could be pious, who believed the doctrine of predestination. I remember, some time after the death of my father, sitting with Mr. Wesley in the house of my mother, and conversing on this truly interesting subject; I ventured to remark, that there were some good men, who had given their suffrage in favour of the doctrine of Election, and I produced my father, as an instance, when, laying his hand upon my shoulder, with great earnestness, he said: "My dear lad, believe me, there never was a man in this world, who believed the doctrine of Calvin, but the language of his heart was, 'I may live as I list. It was, as I have before observed, generally believed, that I inherited the principles of my father. The Methodists in London were afraid of me, and I was afraid of them, we therefore, as if by mutual consent, avoided each other; my wish to attach myself to Mr. Whitefield was still paramount in my bosom, but Mr. Whitefield was not at home, and it was unfortunate for me that he was not. Every day I was more and more distinguished; but it was by those, whose neglect of me would have been a mercy: by their nominal kindness I was made to taste of pleasures, to which I had before been a stranger, and those pleasures were eagerly zested. I became what is called very good company, and I resolved to see, and become acquainted with life; yet I determined, my knowledge of the town, and its pleasures, should not affect my standing in the religious world. But I was miserably deceived; gradually, my former habits seemed to fade from my recollection. To my new connexions I gave, and received from them, what I then believed pleasure, without alloy. Of music, and dancing, I was very fond, and