Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/65

Rh said she, "supplications are ineffectual; now I am indeed a widow!" Starting at the desolate term (widow), so mournfully uttered, I hastened to my chamber, and prostrating myself before the throne of Almighty God, I seemed as if I were struggling with the agonies of dissolving nature. I would infinitely have preferred death, to a separation so exquisitely torturing: I besought the God of my father to have compassion upon me, never to leave nor forsake me; and while thus humbly, and faithfully soliciting the Father of my spirit, renewed affiance grew in my bosom, and a voice seemed to say, "Go, and lo I am with you always." Calmly reposing upon this assurance, I retired to rest; I quitted my pillow on the succeeding morning, wonderfully refreshed. It was on that morning, that I met, for the last time, in the place of my dear, confiding father, his disconsolate family: It was indeed a time of prayer. My heart addressed the Father of mercies; I confessed, with great sincerity, my manifold errors; and I petitioned for a continuance of unmerited kindness; I beseeched God to look with pity on a poor, destitute, helpless being, commencing a journey through a world, with which he was unacquainted. I entreated our God, in behalf of my suffering mother, and her helpless orphans, that He would constantly abide with them; and that he would vouchsafe an answer of peace to the many prayers, offered up in their behalf, by the husband and parent, now in glory. My mother was dumb; she saw the hand of God in this business, and she believed, that, as a sparrow falleth not to the ground without our heavenly Father, I could not thus leave my pleasant home, and wander I knew not whither, except the Lord directed. And, embracing me, when on the eve of my departure, she affectingly said; "Go, my first-born, my ever beloved son; go, and may the God of your father be with you: Go, my darling son, on whom, while coming up from this wilderness, I fondly meant to lean; but God will not allow me to lean on any but himself: Go thou, ever dear to my heart, and may our God be still near you, to preserve you from the evil, which is in the world. The prayers of your afflicted mother shall be continually offered up in your behalf; and oh! my son, although we part, never perhaps to meet again in this world, yet let us meet every day before that throne, whence we may expect grace to help in every time of need; let us be present in spirit, thus waiting upon the Lord. She then threw her fond, maternal arms around me, once more pressing me to that dear, that faithful bosom, whence I drew my early nourishment. With tears of fond affection she