Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/63

Rh O! dear, O! dear, I never saw her so much distressed before!" This was a truly affecting night, but it was the last I passed under that roof; I was not summoned to breakfast: a servant came to ask, if I would breakfast in my chamber, there could be no doubt of my negative. I saw by the countenance of this domestic, that I was fallen. About twelve o'clock, I received a message from Mr. Little, he was alone; I must attend him. My sufferings were great. To meet his eye was abundantly worse than death; I endeavoured to avoid it. Some time elapsed before he spoke; he repeatedly attempted to speak, but mingling grief and rage arrested his utterance. At last he said: "Well, sir, you are going to commence your travels?" This, with the manner in which it was spoken, relieved me. It was at that moment my choice to cherish resentment, rather than regret. I am going to England, sir. "You are; well, and what are you going to do there? But this is no business of mine; yet I suppose it must be my business to know, how you are to get there; have you any money, sir?" No, sir. "Hold your hat, sir." I did so, and he threw into it as much gold as he pleased, and, as I then believed, as much as would support me, if I should reach the extreme age allotted to man. "Have you enough, sir?" Yes, sir, quite enough, and God forever bless you. "Do you hear, sir, leave behind you my son's fowling-piece, and here ends my air-built castle;" and with a flushed countenance, and a tearful eye, he left me, nor did I ever more cross the threshold of his door. I turned my back upon this once delightful home, with mingling emotions of sorrow, mortification, regret, and anger; all combining to produce unutterable anguish. My frame trembled, as I turned from the door; a chillness pervaded my heart; sickness seized my stomach, and I had just sufficient presence of mind to turn the contents of my hat into my pocket-handkerchief, when I sunk down upon the steps of the first door in my way. I was seen, and noticed by the people of the house, who conveyed me into their dwelling, and, when they had recovered me, questioned me respecting the cause of my indisposition. I related, with my usual frankness, every particular, and in a short time, the story circulated, and with all the variations commonly attached to interesting articles of intelligence. I was soon sufficiently restored to reach the residence of my mother; where a new scene of sorrow awaited me. The poor sufferer was beyond measure astonished at the step I had so rashly taken, and her distress was unutterable: she had promised herself a long series of enjoyments, from the happy arrangements made for me; and I suspect