Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/57

Rh of retaining my father's Calvinistic doctrines. Mr. Wesley received information against me. He set a watch over me; thus fixing upon me the evil eye of suspicion. A maiden sister, considerably advanced in years, became a dependent resident in the family of her brother. Her character was marked by duplicity, and she delighted in mischief. The tales she propagated were as various, as the parties which listened to her narrations; and all her communications were made under the strict seal of secrecy. Young, and unsuspecting, I found it difficult to encounter enemies of such opposite descriptions. I had some friends, of whose affection I doubted not; with these friends I passed much time, and I communicated to them every thing, and they, in their turn, communicated every thing to me; while many circumstances, thus confided, were, to my great astonishment, in circulation! My situation became uneasy to me; I was fond of being in company abroad, this was very disagreeable to my friends at home; they expected in me a friend and companion, who would, by reading and conversation, give to their fireside new charms; and both parents, and daughters, were mortified and disappointed. Mr. Little expressed his disapprobation of my frequent absences. I was hurt, Mrs. Little shed tears, and entreated me to change my conduct. "You have," said she, "in this wide world no such friends, as we are disposed to prove ourselves; you will be abundantly more happy at home, than you can be abroad. You should supply to us the place of our deceased children: we expect consolation from your society. You are greatly beloved in this house; your enemies are not under this roof. For God's sake, if you have any regard for us, if you have any regard for any of your friends, if you would secure your own happiness, or the happiness of your mother, do not thus conduct." Thus, with many entreaties, did this dear, affectionate lady, endeavour to arrest my wanderings; and, while attending to her friendly lectures, my best resolutions were in full force; and I determined never to offend again. But going out to meeting, one, and another, of my religious connexions would take me by the arm; I could not avoid engagements; and when I returned home, every individual of the family, Miss Little excepted, had frequently retired to rest. The good girl waited to apprize me of her father's displeasure. Much did she expostulate; and her expostulations were not always unmingled with tears. My mother was rendered extremely wretched; I saw the gathering storm, but I had not sufficient fortitude to abide its ravages. My enemies derived consolation