Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/44

34 whom I loved as my own soul, expired in a strong delirium! Every one regretted the departure of this young man, every one sympathised with his parents, and many extended pity to me. I was indeed beyond expression wretched; it was the first calamity of the kind, which I had ever been called to suffer, and my agonies were in full proportion to the strong affection, which I had conceived for the deceased. Society no longer possessed a charm for me, and yet the parents of the dear departed never willingly permitted me to quit their presence; indeed, the love, they had borne their son, seemed to be entirely transferred to me; but their sufferings were incalculably augmented, when, in a few succeeding weeks, their eldest, and only surviving son, fell a victim to the same fatal malady, which had deprived them of his brother! Never before did I witness such sad, and heart-affecting sorrow: a gloomy Religion is always increased by scenes of melancholy, hence the horrors of my mind were beyond description. Every thing I had done, every word I had uttered, not strictly conformable to the rule of right, returned upon my mind with redoubled terror, and in the midst of these agonizing fears, I was violently seized by the same fever, which had destroyed my friend. I was, upon the first appearance of this mortal disease, exceedingly alarmed, but in a few hours it prostrated my reason; my mother appeared to me as a stranger, and although I recognised my father, I was not afraid of him. I understood every thing which was said by those about me, and I suffered much in consequence of their expressed apprehensions and predictions: and I have often thought, that attendants in the chamber of sickness do not sufficiently consider the situation of the suffering patient, or the possibility, that the freedom of their remarks may augment his depression. I continued to linger, in the midst of extreme torture, through many weeks; and so high, and unremitted was my delirium, that my parents, from a persuasion that, should I be restored to health, my reason was forever lost, were reconciled to my departure. One particular I consider as astoning; every thing, which passed in my mind through the whole of this protracted delirium, I can, to this day, recollect as well as any event, which has taken place in any part of my life. Contrary to the expectations of surrounding friends, I was gradually restored to perfect health, when I became still more endeared to the parents of my deceased companion; they would have laid me in their bosoms, gladly cherishing me as the son of their affection. The old gentleman visited my father every day, and his lady was equally intimate with my mother.