Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/170

160 was, of every thing which could speak to the eye, I could not but greatly rejoice in this instance of recognising goodness, and my full soul glowed with fervent and devotional gratitude. My cup of tea was mingled with my tears; but they were tears of joy, of sacred rapture. It was like the priest leaving me, and the good Samaritan taking me up; and the oil and wine, thus poured into my lacerated bosom, was most salutary, truly refreshing.

My kind host summoned a number of his friends to pass the evening; they all appeared very gloomy, and I had sympathy for their situation. After being introduced, they continued for some time silent, and sighed in their turns very bitterly. Those sighs, however, although signs, were not proofs, of sorrow; it was the custom for very religious people to be very melancholy, and these were very religious people; so much so, that I afterwards discovered, there was no society in town, with which they could conscientiously associate. It was proposed, I should narrate my experiences, that they might judge if I were a child of God. I very readily accommodated myself to their wishes, and gave them a sketch of some memorable scenes in my life. When I closed, a profound silence, interrupted only by sighs, succeeded; at last, one affirmed, I was not a child of God, my experiences were not of the true kind, he could not go with me; a second pronounced, I was a child of God, for he felt me, as I proceeded. Being thus divided, they knew not on what to determine; at last, it was proposed to apply to Mr. D for his meeting-house. This was the very place, pointed out by Mr. H. I knew his design was to ruin me, and therefore, without hesitation, I said I did not feel a freedom to speak in the proposed place. Well, would I preach in the room, in which we were sitting; many had so done, and why not me? This also I rejected, it was too much confined. They pronounced me very difficult; they did not believe, I should find any other place. I assured them, I was not anxious in this respect. If God had sent me, he would provide a place for me; if he had not, I was willing to return, whence I came. "Perhaps God has provided you a place, by directing us to make these offers." No, sir, if God had directed you to make these offers, and had thought proper I should deliver my message in either of the places mentioned, he would have disposed my heart to embrace them; but this I feel He has not done. They pronounced me very odd, and took their leave; but the master of the house, and one of his friends, conceiving there was something uncommon in me, my manner, and my matter, continued with me in conversation the greater part of