Page:Records of the Life of the Rev. John Murray.djvu/113

Rh then referred to me: "Was it a fact, had I attended upon Relly?" I had. "Did I believe what I heard?" I answered, that I did—and my trial commenced. They could not prove, I had violated those articles, to which I had subscribed. I had, in no point of view, infringed the contract, by which I was bound. But they apprehended, if I continued to approbate Relly, by my occasional attendance on his ministry, my example would become contagious; except, therefore, I would give them my word, that I would wholly abandon this pernicious practice, they must, however unwillingly, pronounce upon me the sentence of excommunication. I refused to bind myself by any promise; I assured them, I would continue to hear, and to judge for myself; and that I held it my duty, to receive the truth of God wherever it might be manifested. "But Relly holds the truth in unrighteousness." I have nothing to do with his unrighteousness; my own conduct is not more reprehensible, than heretofore. They granted this; but the force of example was frequently irresistible, and, if I were permitted to follow, uncensured, my own inclination, others might claim the same indulgence, to the utter perversion of their souls. It was then conceded in my favour, that, if I would confine my sentiments to my own bosom, they would continue me a member of their communion. I refused to accede to this proposal. I would not be under an obligation to remain silent. I must, so often as opportunity might present, consider myself as called upon to advocate truth. The question was then put—Should I be considered a member of the society upon my own terms? And it was lost by only three voices.

It was past one in the morning, when I returned home to my poor, disconsolate wife, who was waiting for me; and when I entered her apartment, my spirits were so sunk, that, throwing myself into a chair, I burst into tears. But the sweet soother of my every woe, hastened to communicate that consolation, she was so eminently qualified to bestow. "Now," said she, "for the first time, you know what it is to suffer for Christ's sake; and you must arm yourself with fortitude to bear, what the adherents of Mr. Relly must always bear. Let us offer up praise and thanksgiving, that it is no worse. Fear not those, who can only kill the body; these, however, have not power to kill the body; it is true, they can do more; they can murder our good name, which is rather to be chosen than life itself. But let us not fear; our God will be with us, He will preserve, and protect us." Our hearts, however, were very full, and with great devotion we wept and prayed together.

About this time, the grandfather of my Eliza sent for her to visit him, at his country seat, ten miles from London; this was highly