Page:Ragged Trousered Philanthropists.djvu/342

The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists When they had fixed the poster on the wall Philpot stood the steps in the corner of the room with the back part facing outwards to form a pulpit, and then, everything being ready for the lecturer, the two sat down in their accustomed places and began to eat their dinners, Harlow remarking that they would have to buck up or they would be too late for the meeting; and the rest of the crowd began to discuss the poster. 'Well, 'e's the finest speaker I ever 'eard,' said the man on the pail, with enthusiamenthusiasm [sic]. 'I wouldn't miss this 'ere lecture for anything. I got 'ere about two hours before the doors was opened so as to be sure to get a seat.'

'I've 'eard a 'ell of a lot about Socialism,' said Crass, with a sneer, 'but up to now I've never met nobody wot could tell you plainly exactly wot it is.'

'Yes, that's what I should like to know, too,' said Easton.

'Socialism means "what's yours is mine, and what's mine's me own, observed Bundy, and during the laughter that greeted this definition Slyme was heard to say that Socialism meant Materialism, Atheism and Free Love, and if it were ever to come about it would degrade men and women to the level of brute beasts. Harlow said Socialism was a very fine idea, but he was afraid it would never come off. Sawkins said that Socialism was a lot of bloody rot, and Crass expressed the opinion, which he had culled from the delectable columns of the 'Obscurer,' that it meant robbing the industrious for the benefit of the idle and thriftless.

Philpot had by this time finished his bread and cheese, and, crossing over to the corner of the room, ascended the pulpit, being immediately greeted with a tremendous outburst of hooting, howling and booing, which he smilingly acknowledged by removing his cap from his bald head, winking his goggle eyes, and bowing repeatedly. When the storm of shrieks, yells, groans and catcalls had in some degree subsided, he addressed the meeting as follows:

'Gentlemen, first of hall I beg to thank you for the magnificent reception you 'ave given me, and I shall try to deserve your good opinion by shutting my mouth as soon as possible.

'Putting hall jokes aside, I think we're hall agreed about one thing, and that is, that there's plenty of room for improvement in things in general (hear, hear). As our lecturer, Professor Owen, pointed hout in one of 'is lectures, and as most of you 'ave read in the newspapers, although trade was never 330