Page:Radio Times - 1926-12-19 - p681.jpg

 person of sincere convictions and affectionate disposition—besides having some obscure connection with our aristocracy—I begged him to continue.

'The fact is,' he said, drawing his chair a little closer to mine, 'I've had a shocking fortnight, ever since Doncaster. However carefully I work out a system—single, double, or combination—nothing seems to come right.'

'It is, indeed, vexing,' I agreed, 'when calculations, however carefully computed, fail to yield a satisfactory formula.'

'And of course,' he added, 'it's terrible for my professional reputation.'

Your students are becoming critical? I suggested.

'Critical?' he cried. 'Most of them are downright rude about it!' (Discipline is evidently lax in some of these newer universities.) 'And if I don't pull off something pretty big pretty soon, I shan't have any of them left. I've got to find genuine unexpected surprise for them—something that nobody else knows nowt about.'

'Some unprecedented discovery in the entomological world, you mean?'

'That's right. In the—what you said, Professor.'

'It is not too easy,' I remarked. 'The whole field of research has been fully covered in recent years.'

'And don't I know it!' said the Professor, bitterly. 'But I'm round the corner at last, and thou's shown me the way!'

'I?'

'Yes. I picks up the paper this morning, and what do I see? I see that another professor—that's thee—is going to lecture to-night on Insects I Have Known. When I read that, I said to myself: "That's a message straight from heaven! Insects I Have Known. And me with the name of the finest insect on four legs in my waistcoat pocket now!"'

BECAME interested, despite myself. 'Quadrupedal Coleoptera are comparatively rare,' I agreed. 'And this is a newly-discovered species?'

'Absolutely.'

'And its name—if it has a name yet?'

'Oh, yes, it has a name.'

'Might I ask——?'

'Of course thou can: it's all in the family, like The Centipede!'

'Centipede?'

'Yes. Don't say thou's heard of him!"

'Of course I have heard of the centipede,' I said. 'But that insect has, by derivation, though not in fact, a hundred legs, not four.'

Here, to my extreme discomfort, my visitor (slapped me violently upon the knee, and gave way to uncontrollable laughter.

"That's a good one! That's champion!' he roared.

'A four-legged centipede,' I continued, endeavouring to soothe him, 'would indeed be a novel discovery.'

'And I have discovered it!'

'Of course,' I felt bound to remind him, 'a centipede does not really possess a hundred legs——'

'Thou'd think mine had, to see him run!'

'Neither,' I continued, 'are they termed legs, scientifically. But perhaps you say legs in Sheffield.'

'We do that!' replied the Professor.

'You express yourself a little loosely in certain other respects,' I added. Obviously, a four-legged centipede is a contradiction of terms. This creature cannot be a real centipede."

The man laughed again.

'He isn't—and thou knows it! Thou's none so thick. Professor!'

I ignored the compliment; for it was evidently intended as such.

'You mean,' I said, 'that it—he, if you will—is of the centipede type—the myriapoda class—but possesses certain distinctive and outstanding characteristics of its—his—own?'

'That's right; there's none like him.'

'Have you a specimen?'

'Have I what?'

'Have you the centipede with you?'

'With me? Do you think he's outside, a four-wheeler? He's at Windsor!'

I caught his meaning.

'You have sent him to the Castle?'

'No; but there's a Meeting at Windsor to-morrow, that's all.'

'And at this meeting you propose to introduce your discovery to your-disciples?'

'That's the exact idea.'

'To-morrow?'

'No; to-night. To-morrow will be too late.'

'Indeed?'

'Yes. And that's where thou can help me. Thou's going to broadcast to-night?'

'Yes; in less than an hour.'

'Then, as one professor to another, will thou do me a good turn? Will thou put in a word for The Centipede in the lecture?'

Professor Pepper's hand grasped my knee; there were actually tears in his eyes.

'You mean you desire me to utter something in the way of a preliminary announcement-drop a hint, as it were that you are about to spring a surprise upon mankind?

'A hint would be no use. Professor. Thou doesn't know these people. Give it them red hot; tell them the whole glad story.'

'But I should be forestalling your own announcement.'

'Never thou mind that. Tell them all thou knows, but say I told thee. That's all that matters.'

'You are generous, sir,' I said, 'to allow me to share this distinction——'

'Professors should back professors,' said my visitor, simply.

'But, really, I must know definitely and exactly the terms in which I am to disclose——'

'If I write something down will you read it out?' asked the Professor, producing a fountain-pen.

'With pleasure,' I replied, and rose to my feet. The extent of my responsibility was now fixed. 'But I must beg you to make haste; I think I hear my cab at the door.'

Professor Pepper was already at work. He appeared to be a slow writer; I noticed that his breathing was laborious, and that he followed the motions of his pen with the tip of his tongue. Evidently he was acutely conscious that he was at a great and responsible moment in his career.

My housekeeper brought in my overcoat and muffler. By the time that I was fortified against the night air, my visitor's announcement was written, blotted, folded, and handed to me.

'Read that to them. Professor,' he said, in a voice which trembled with emotion. 'Read it loud and slow, at the end of thy lecture, just before the boys cut off the juice!'

Needless to say, this last remark conveyed no meaning to me whatever; but it was soon eclipsed by another which my eccentric friend addressed to me as he shook my hand through the window of the cab.

'If us pulls this off,' he said, in a hoarse whisper, 'thou's on!'

VERYONE at the Headquarters of the Broadcasting Company was extremely courteous and helpful, and the procedure not uninteresting.

In due course I found myself seated at a table in a comfortably-furnished room, with my manuscript in my hand. My seat