Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/61

January 6, 1915.] before, they first obtained possession of a motor car from the window of a shop in Long Acre, drove it at a great pace (one constable said forty miles an hour, and another sixty-one) to a house in Park Lane, where, while one boy remained outside, the other drew a revolver and forced the resident heiress into the car. At this point they were arrested. The boys said that they were very sorry, but that the spectacle of an abduction romance on the films had been too strong for them.

The magistrate: "What is the cinema censor about? Nothing is more deplorable than that the imaginations of young boys should be excited by these lurid dramas." The boys were discharged.

Three boys of six, seven and eight respectively wore charged at Sheffield with stealing a railway train. It appears that while the driver of a Scotch excursion, which was in a siding, was oiling the wheels, the three boys sprang to the footboard and started the train. The driver pursued it, but was at once shot by one of the boys, who was armed to the teeth with pea-shooters. Asked to explain their conduct the boys said that they had seen so many train robberies on the local cinemas that they felt bound to do something in that line themselves. The magistrate said he did not wonder, and directed that the proprietors of the cinemas should have their licence cancelled.

Three men of criminal appearance, against whom previous convictions were proved, who were charged at Vine Street with pocket picking, explained that it was entirely due to the effect produced upon them by Oliver Twist on the cinema. The magistrate dismissed the prisoners and ordered the cinema to be closed.

McTavish (to convalescent soldier).

Soldier.

From a speech reported in the Widnes Gazette:—

"'The character of this little nation is now what it was when Julius Cesar wrote 'De tons les peuples de la Gaule les Beiges sont les plus braves.''"

It was in the same spirit of compliment to the country he was invading that wrote "Longa est via ad Tipperariam" as he began to slide down the Alps.

"'Mrs. Francis M. Cunliffe, writes from Southport:—To the unknown person or persons that sent three body belts. I beg to thank you most sincerely for your generous gift to the 9th (Reserve) Battalion Manchester Regiment. It will add greatly to the comfort of four men, and will be much appreciated by them.'—Ashton-under-Lyne Reporter."

With three-quarters of a body-belt apiece they should do splendidly.

A French interpreter with the Expeditionary Force sends us the following notice which he saw, he says, on the office door of the A.S.C.:—

"'The waiter is not allowed to be drunk unless boiled before.'"

But boiling before is not really so good as a cold douche after.

The following directions for the right use of the "Snapseal Patent" are printed inside the pass-book envelopes issued by Lloyds Bank:—

"'First wet the gum, then insert the tongue into lock and draw until you hear it snap.'"

After doing this once you may prefer to let your tongue, after it has wetted the gum, return to its usual position within the mouth.