Page:Punch Vol 148.djvu/56

__ night. We were it. Edward moaned, not mutinously, you understand, but expressively. The third officer turned on him sharply. "In the trenches," he observed epigrammatically, "sleep is a matter of minor importance."

Edward and I returned at 3 A.M. As he flopped wearily down I heard him murmur judicially: "In the trenches soldiers are matters of minor importance."

Edward never got really fond of the trenches.



Newly-made Lance-Corporal.



Dear Mr. Punch,—Hurrah! I am so excited and my paw shakes so that I have to use my teeth to keep the pen steady. My mistress has received a letter from my master at the Front—at least it isn't a letter but a postcard. I know it's from him because she gave it to me to smell, and I nearly swallowed it in my anxiety to make quite sure. I should have got a beating for my foolish behavious, but luckily my mistress was crying at the the time and could not see what I was doing. When we were both calmer she told me what was on the card; and there was nothing whatever about me! My master merely said that he was quite well. I kept my ears cocked for some time waiting for more, but that was all.

I need hardly tell you, Mr. Punch, how disappointed I felt. It is true there was nothing about my mistress either, but she was so happy she didn't seem to mind. I could not understand it. And then I suddenly remembered something I had suddenly remembered something I had heard from a dog who had actually been out at the Front taking care of his regiment. He told me that Lord had invented a special postcard for the use of soldiers out there. They are not allowed to write anything on these cards except their names, but there are several sentences printed on them and the sentences that are not suitable are struck out by the soldiers. My master had evidently found them all unsuitable except the one that said he was quite well.

Now I readily admit that these postcards are an excellent idea of Lord, but I do not think that he has carried out the scheme as thoroughly as he should. Where would be the hard in putting at the end of the card, "Give my love and a bone to ?" It would only take up one line and would mean such a lot to us. I expect the truth is Lord has not got a dog of his own, so the point did not occur to him, and it merely needs a hint from you, Mr. Punch, to get the matter put right. I only hope he won't be annoyed when he finds what a slip he has made.

Yours expectantly,

P.S.—Perhaps you had better not publish this as it rather shows him up, and I should not like to think that I had made people lose confidence in him.

 We take this breathless story of adventure from a Suez Cinema synopsis:—

"'This play is historian & so touching. It is Containing 3rd classes. Its length is 1200 metres. Its subject that was John General, the engineer in a small village the was a simple labour the became very skilful in makingironships. Therefore he became a rich man the had a wife, called Ima. Her conduct was extremely good. When he found himself very rich, the left his wife at all. One day he accompagned his wife & rode a motor car while they were walking, he saw a womens called baron Nellie Dow. At last this man was mending an iron ship. It was broken out, the became blind. Baron Nellie Doow, left him at once. But his life came in as an assistant doctor. She was observing him untel he was cured. He found her by him. He know that his wife well & was very sorry about the bad entreatment, that he bad done with her.'"