Page:Punch (Volume 147).pdf/535

December 16, 1914.] 

T. P.'s Weekly, in some sprightly lines, suggests that Punch should appear daily. This would certainly not be a whit more strange than to issue a T.P's Weekly Christmas Number as is done by our contemporary.

Answer to a Correspondent.—Yes, khaki is the fashionable colour for plum-puddings for the Front.

Post hoc propter hoc? Extract from the Eye-Witness’s description of the visit to France:—"Another sight which excited the King's keen interest was the large bathing establishment at one of the divisional headquarters... From here the procession returned to General Headquarters, where his Majesty received General Foch and presented him with the Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath."

Sir praise of the Berkshire Regiment will surprise no one, least of all Mr. Punch's Toby.

tells us that when arrived at Johannesburg he was looking haggard and somewhat depressed. This lends colour to the rumour that he was annoyed at being captured.

In a letter published by a German newspaper a Landwehr officer writes:—"On the German front officers and men do not salute in the usual way, but by saying, 'God punish England', while the reply is, 'May He punish England. This admission that! the Germans themselves cannot do it is significant.

Die Post, in a reference to our million recruits, says, "Mere figures will not frighten us." Frankly, some of the figures of the stout Landwehr men frighten us.

At last in Constantinople there are signs that it is being realised that the Germans are driving the Turkish Army to Suez-side.

When the Germans and the Russians both claim to have won the same battle, what can one do? asks a correspondent. We can only suggest that the matter should be referred to the Hague Tribunal.

An item of war news which the President of the Society for the Promotion of Propriety things the Censor might very well have censored:—"To the south of Lask the Russian tropps took Shertzoff."

"The Grenadier Guard, 6 ft. 7 in. high, whom the Prince of Wales noticed in hospital, is not the tallest man in the British Army, that distinction being claimed for Corporal Frank Millin, 2nd Coldstream Guards, who is 6 ft. 8 1/2 in." This, again, is the sort of paragraph which might have been censored with advantage, for we are quite sure that, if the giant sees it, it will cause a relapse.

For the first time for many years there were no charges of murder at the December Sessions at the Old Bailey. It looks as if yet another of our industries has been filched by the Germans.

The announces that candidates for assistant-clerkships, Royal Navy, who have completed a period of not less than three months' actual military service with His Majesty's Forces since mobilisation, will be granted fifty marks in the examination. It seems a most unpatriotic proceeding to pay them in German money.

The Nursing Times must really be more careful or we shall have the German newspapers drawing attention to atrocities by the French. In its issue of the 5th inst. our contemporary says:—"The 'Train unit' whose names we gave some weeks ago have waited all this time for their call for duty... And now the French authorities have cut the train—and the staff—in two!"

Reply to those who think it absurd to take precautions against invasion:—It's the Hun-expected that always happens.

A great fall of cliff occurred last week between Beachy Head and Seaford, and the Germans are pointing out that the break-up of England has now begun in earnest.



"'Her thoughts came back to the dancing little figure in purple-striped pyjamas. She had a scared sense of irrevocable breaches.' The Wife of Sir Isaac Harman."

An obvious misprint in the last word.

"'THE KING'S JOURNEY.

Cumberland Evening Mail."

This is the method which the means to try for his coming invasion of England.

"'Professor G. Sims Woodhead, the Board's consultative bacteriological adviser, to whom the report had been submitted, said: 'I consider Dr. Mair's work contains a germ of great promise. Birmingham Daily Mail."

We hope the Professor will not lose sight of the promising young microbe.

"'For any enemy ship to try to get into Dover at the present time would be like entering the mouth of hell.

[We understand that the Admiralty have received no confirmation of this.]' Daily Telegraph."

We hope that none of our contemporaries will blame the Admiralty for its lack of information.

"'Rev. Owen S. Watkins, one of the Wesleyan Methodist Chaplains with the Expeditionary Force (already mentioned in the dispatches), tells some most extraordinary stories of his experiences at the Front.' Public Opinion."

We remember now some mention of this "Expeditionary Force" being made in despatches, and we wondered at the time why the Censor allowed such a public reference to it.

The Russians quietly evacuated Lodz without the loss of a single man. The Germans allege that they captured it after strenuous fighting.

"And how can man lie better Than facing fearful Lodz?"