Page:Punch (Volume 147).pdf/176

172 combination of the jigger and the baffy, and the "Duncher," a powerful weapon for extricating the ball out of rushes, tar and other viscous lies.

—This family claims descent from Joskin ap Gwyggan, the last native prince who rules in Dwffryn. The earlier lines in the descent are doubtful. The various families claiming to spring from Joskin adopted different patronymics in the fifteenth and succeeding centuries, amongst which may be noted Joskins, Gherkin, Guggenheimer, and Gaga.



The Patriot.



Room 99, X.Y.Z. Offices, Whitehall, 8th August, 1914.

,—Can you possibly turn out for us on Thursday next v. Paddlewick? We lost to them rather heavily in May last and are anxious to give them a sound beating. Their fast bowler is playing for them again, I head, and we absolutely rely on your help. Can you get off for the day?

Yours ever, P. R.

Room 83, P.Q.R. Offices, 9th August, 1914.

,—Thanks for yours. Will try to manage it next Thursday, but am doubtful. My chief, though a capable official, is no sport, and I anticipate difficulties. I had a day off only two weeks ago for cricket. Will do my best.

Thine, C. H.

P.Q.R. 10th August, 1914.

,—Awfully sorry; no luck re Thursday. Boss hopeless. I broached the matter this morning (without actually asking for permission), but I fear the worst. You had better get another man for the Paddlewick match. So sorry.

Yours ever,

X.Y.Z. 10th August, 1914.

,—We shall be absolutely in the cart without you. They've got an awfully hot fast bowler. Bartram now tells me he can't possibly turn out, and you are the only really decent bat I know. We simply can't lose to Paddlewick again—we shall never hear the last of it. (No one need know that you don't play regularly for Middlecombe.) Do try your best, old man. Mightn't your Aunt Martha be seriously ill?

Yours ever,

Aunt Martha dying. All well. Boss absent Thursday, so can explain to him afterwards.

Good boy. Funeral 11.30. Train Paddington 10.5. Lunch 1.30. Draw 6.30.

Room 83, P.Q.R. Offices, 14th August.

,—I regret that I was forced to leave somewhat hurriedly after the game last night. I have nothing to add to what I told you at lunch as to the identity of the Paddlewick Spofforth with my chief, of whose sporting talent I was in ignorance. But if you should hear of a good berth going anywhere I should be extraordinarily grateful.

Yours ever,

P.S.—It was doubly unfortunate (in a way) that I should have scored a six and three fours in one over from his bowling.

 

He. Has anyone seen the paper?

She. I haven't.

He. Didn't it come this morning?

She. Very likely not. The boy often forgets it. You're the only person who ever looks at it.

He. Well, I suppose I must wait till I get to the Club; but I dare say there isn't anything that matters in it.

She. Have you done with that paper, my dear?

He. Absolutely; there's nothing in it. There never is. I can't think why we waste money in taking it.

She. Then perhaps I may have it for a pattern?

He. Why, certainly. I've no use for it.

Has the paper come yet?

What’s the news?

Where's the paper?

What about Liége?

I say, where's the paper?

Isn't the paper here yet?

What's the matter with the people?

I say, father, you might read quicker.

Can't you tear it in half.

Do tell us the news.

Do read it out loud.

What about Liége? Quick!

Oh dear, why don't we have ten copies of it?

 "'The 'Daily Telegraph' Algeciras correspondent, wiring yesterday, says news from Gibraltar reports a naval fight off the Canaries. One of the latter was sunk and the other captured and brought to Gibraltar.' Liverpool Evening Express."

Our own canary protests indignantly at this treatment of its allies.

In order to be in the very admirable fashion the L.C.C. has decided, we understand, to change the name of Jermyn Street to Jellicoe Lane.