Page:Punch (Volume 147).pdf/141

August 5, 1914.] 

[The Soya bean, grown in Japan, Korea and Manchuria, is said to provide a perfect substitute for milk.]


 * Tout lasse, tout casse, tout passe:
 * All mortal flesh is grass,

Mown down by Time at the appointed hour;
 * And in the world of speed
 * The noblest Arab steed

Yields, O Combustion, to thy pent-up power.


 * On Youth of ardent aim
 * No more Mazeppa's fame

Or feats exert their ancient spell;
 * and stand
 * No more for war's command,

But only steel and rubber, oil and smell.


 * Where once men safely strode
 * Along the open road,

A sinister and stertorous machine.
 * Exhales its acrid breath
 * And deals impartial death

To all the dwellers on the village green.


 * And now, O gentle cow,
 * Man's foster-mother, thou,

Must tread the fatal path the horse hath trod,
 * Since scientists have found
 * That milk and cream abound

Within the compass of an Eastern pod.


 * No more shall we behold,
 * As in the days of old,

The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea;
 * Or Mary, mid the foam,
 * Calling her cattle home,

Across the sands, the perilous sands o' Dee.


 * Mourn, Alderney, and mourn,
 * O maiden all forlorn,

The cow with crumpled horn that filled thy pail;
 * Mourn, damsels, mourn and sigh
 * Who can no more reply,

"I'm going a milking" to the curious male.


 * Mourn too, for ye shall feel
 * The change at every meal,

Ye minions of the hearthrug; be not mute,
 * Ye Persians, topaz-eyed,
 * When mistresses provide

This miserable Soya substitute.


 * In legendary lore
 * The cow was wont to soar

With Dædalean art above the moon;
 * But ah! the cardboard cows
 * That by the railroad browse

To no elopement prompt the modern spoon.


 * On earth men owned thy sway
 * From Lapland to Cathay;

In heaven the Milky Way thy might confessed:
 * Weaklings we saw become
 * Strong, thanks to thee and rum,

And Punch of all ingredients found milk best.


 * But, heedless of a debt
 * He never should forget,

Ungrateful man is planning to replace
 * By vegetable aid
 * The kindly service paid

By your mild-natured and sweet-breathing race.


 * Yet, ere the Soya boom
 * Achieves the dairy's doom,

And rude bean-crushers oust the homely churn,
 * Let one unworthy scribe
 * Salute the vaccine tribe

And lay his wreath upon their funeral urn.



Rev. Brown.

"The native inhabitants produce all manner of curios, the great majority of which appear to command a ready sale among the visitors, crude and commonplace as these frequently are.'—Buluwayo Chronicle."

They are; but, bless their hearts, they seem to enjoy themselves.

"'.—Young Cook-General, willing to learn; small family, no children; no basement. No religion preferred.'

Western Morning News."

She forgot to add "No meals to serve."