Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/353

Rh. Youthful, powerful men, market-helpers, workmen, and soldiers took possession of my dreams, and played an important rôle in my fancy while masturbating. At this time was also first shown the tendency to pederasty, especially passive. Up to my fourteenth year I frequently made mutual attempts at pederasty with my seducer, but neither of us were successful in bringing about immissio. At the same time, there was also a weak inclination for the female sex. About a year after the first indulgence in onanism, I was once with a puella publica, but I had neither ejaculation nor any especial feeling of sensual pleasure. Thereafter, and up to my nineteenth year, I performed coitus in public houses about six times. Erection and ejaculation occurred promptly, but without marked sensual pleasure. At least onanism, particularly mutual onanism, I liked quite as much. I have never had any love for athletes. About ten years ago, while at H., a watering-place, I thought I was in love with a beautiful lady of a highly respectable family; I was happy in her presence, and thought myself happy in finding my love returned. For a time this affair kept me from masturbating; I was only afraid that, weakened by onanism that had been practiced for years, I should be incapable of performing my marital duty. When we became widely separated, my feeling quickly cooled; I found that I had deceived myself; and, after about two years, without jealousy, I was able to hear that the lady had married. My inclination for women—if, in reality, I have ever had any—grew colder and colder. Two and a half years ago, when I visited a public house with very virile friends, I last performed coitus. There was erection, but no ejaculation. Women have become indifferent to me. A prostitute who acts coarsely excites my repugnance. With intellectual women, particularly when they are elderly, I like to converse, but in their society Iam often unskillful and awkward, often devoid of tact. I have never been able to find any charm in woman’s physical form.

“But, to return to the perverse inclinations. When, at the age of fourteen, I went to H., I lost sight of my lover and seducer. He was some years older than I, and was an official; and, in this capacity, when I was nineteen, I again met him once on the railway. We immediately cut the journey short, and lodged together, attempting mutual pederasty; but, on account of pain, immissio was not successful. We amused ourselves in mutual onanism. In H. I had sexual intercourse with two fellow-students, but this intercourse was confined to frequent mutual onanism, owing to the fact that they were not inclined to pederasty. During the last year of my stay (when I was nineteen), I had intercourse with another person, which likewise consisted of onanism; but our intercourse was more intimate, and we always retired, and practiced mutual onanism in bed. From Easter, 1869, until July, 1870, I had no lover. I practiced onanism alone. When the war broke out, I offered myself as a volunteer, but was not accepted. At the same time a former