Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/314

296 bashful, and often blushing. When no more than twelve or thirteen years old, the close-fitting uniform of a handsome soldier gave me the most peculiar feeling; and while, during the next few years, my comrades were always talking about girls, and even engaged in love-affairs, I could, for hours at a time, run after a well-built man with well-rounded hips, and feast my eyes on the sight.

“Without thinking much of these impressions, so different from the feelings of my comrades, I began to masturbate, always during the act thinking of a heroic, handsome form; and this continued until my seventeenth year, when I learned from a companion constituted like myself a true explanation of my condition. Since that time I have been with girls eight or ten times; but, in order to have an erection, it was always necessary to think of a handsome man of my acquaintance. And I am thoroughly convinced that to-day, even with the help of imagination, I should be unable to have intercourse with a girl.

“Shortly after my discovery I preferred to associate with mature, powerful urnings; for at this time I had neither mind nor opportunity to associate with real men. Since this my taste has changed entirely, and men, real men, of twenty-five or thirty-five years, with supple, powerful forms, are the only ones that ravish my senses, and charm me as if I were a woman. Circumstances have allowed me, during these years, to make about a dozen male acquaintances that would serve my purpose for a gulden or two a visit. If I am alone in a room with a handsome youth, my greatest pleasure is membrum ejus vel maxime si magnum atque crassum est, manibus capere et apprehendere et premere, turgentes nates femoraque tangere atque totum corpus manibus contrectare et, si conceditur, os faciem atque totum corpus, immovero nates, ardentibus osculis obtegere. Quodsi membrum magnum purumque est, dominusque ejus mihi placet, ardente libidine mentulam ejus in os meum receptam complures horas sugere possum, neque autem delector, si semen in os meum ejaculatur, cum maxima eorum qui “urnings” nominantur pars hac re non modo delectatur, sed etiam semen nonnunquam devorat.

“The most intense delight, however, is experienced when I find a real man, qui membrum meum in os recepit et erectionem in ore suo concedit.

“Improbable as it sounds, I am yet able to find some coarse fellows who will allow themselves to be used for this purpose. They learn the thing while in military service, for urnings know that under such circumstances they can be made to do the most for money; and when the fellows are once trained, circumstances often compel them, in spite of their passion for the opposite sex, to continue the practice.

“With certain exceptions, urnings make no impression on me, because everything feminine is repugnant tome. At the same time, there are some that know how to give me the most intense pleasure, just as a real man can; and I prefer to consort with them, for the reason that sometimes