Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/311

Rh sexual instinct? Yet there must be some correct explanation of it; there must be some way in which the mass of mankind can be brought to a milder and more reasonable judgment of it; and, first of all, there must be some way to show that contrary sexual instinct should not be regarded as meaning the same as pederasty, as the majority of men—I may say all—regard it. By such an act a man might erect for himself an immortal monument in the gratitude of thousands of men of present and future generations; for there have been, are, and will ever be, urnings, and in greater number than perhaps has been suspected.

“In Wilbrand’s work, ‘Fridolin’s Secret Marriage,’ I find a very plausible theory given in explanation of this matter; for I myself have repeatedly had opportunity to observe that all urnings do not love men with the same intensity, but that there are innumerable sub-varieties,—from the most feminine man to the man of contrary sexuality who is equally sensitive to female charms. This may also account for the so-called difference between congenital and acquired contrary sexual instinct, which, in my inadequate opinion, does not exist. Yet, in all the fifty-five individuals I have become acquainted with in the three years since I came to understand this matter, I have met the same peculiarities of temperament, disposition, and character. Almost all of them are more or less idealists: they smoke but little, or not at all; they are bigoted, vain, desirous of admiration, and superstitious; and, unfortunately, I must confess that they combine more the defects and the reverse sides of both sexes than their good qualities. For woman in a sexual rôle I experience a feeling of true horror, which I could never overcome, even with the help of my extremely lively imagination. I have never attempted it, because I am thoroughly convinced of the fruitlessness of such an attempt, that seems to me unnatural and sinful.

“In purely social and friendly relations, I like to associate with ladies and girls, and I am gladly welcomed in ladies’ society; for I am much interested in the fashions for ladies, and know how to talk of such things with great skill. When I wish to, I can be very gay and amiable; but my faculty for conversation is, for the most part, only assumed, and it always tires me. I have always had great skill in female work, and shown interest in it. As a child, and up to my thirteenth year, I was passionately fond of playing with dolls, whose clothes I made myself; and it still affords me much pleasure to work at beautiful embroidery, which, unfortunately, I can do only in secret. I have the same preference for knick-knacks, photographs, flowers, sweetmeats, toilet-articles, and such feminine things; and my room, which I arranged and decorated myself, is like the over-crowded boudoir of a lady.

“As particularly remarkable, I wish still to mention that I have never suffered with pollutions. I dream very much, and intensely, almost every night; occasionally I have lascivious dreams, which have only men as subjects, but I always wake out of them before it comes to