Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/294

276 She passed through an attack of melancholia sine delirio, of some months’ duration, at seventeen. The patient asserts that she has always had sympathy only for her own sex, and found only an æsthetic interest in men. She never had any taste for female work. As a little girl, she preferred to play with boys.

She says she remained well until her twenty-seventh year. Then, without external cause, she became depressed and considered herself a bad, sinful person, had no pleasure in anything, and was sleepless. During this time of illness she was also troubled with imperative conceptions: that she must think of the death of herself and her relatives. Recovery after about five months. She then became a governess, was overworked, but remained well, except for occasional neurasthenic symptoms and spinal irritation.

At twenty-eight she made the acquaintance of a lady five years younger than herself. She fell in love with her, and her love was returned. The love was very sensual, and satisfied by mutual masturbation. “I loved her as a god; her’s is a noble soul,” she said, when she mentioned this love-bond. It lasted four years, and was ended by the (unfortunate) marriage of her friend.

In 1885, after much emotional strain, the patient became ill with symptoms of hystero-neurasthenia (dyspepsia, spinal irritation, and tonic spasmodic attacks; attacks of hemiopia with migraine and transitory aphasia; pruritus pudendi et ani). In February, 1886, these symptoms disappeared.

In March she became acquainted with her present husband, and married him without taking much time for reflection; for he was rich, much in love with her, and his character was in sympathy with her own.

On April 6th, she read the sentence, “Death misses no one.” Like a flash of lightning in a clear sky, the former imperative conceptions of death returned. She was forced to meditate on the most horrible manner of death for herself and those about her, and constantly imagine death-scenes. She lost rest and sleep, and took no pleasure in anything. Her condition improved. Late in May, 1886, she was married, but was still troubled by painful thoughts at that time: that she would bring misfortune on her husband and those about her.

First coitus on June 6, 1886. She was deeply depressed morally by it. She had had no such conception of matrimony. The husband, who really loved his wife, did all he could to quiet her. He consulted physicians, who thought all would be well after pregnancy. The husband was unable to explain the peculiar behavior of his wife. She was friendly toward him, and suffered his caresses. In coitus, which was actually carried out, she was entirely passive, and after the act she was tired, exhausted all day long, nervous, and troubled with spinal irritation.

A bridal tour brought about a meeting with her old friend, who had lived in an unhappy marriage for three years. The two ladies trembled