Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/290

272 account, almost led to the discovery of the whole thing. Shortly after this, I fell ill with an inflammation of my shoulder-joint, from which I recovered after three months. During this illness I received subcutaneous injections of morphine several times daily, which were suddenly discontinued, and which I practiced thereafter secretly after my recovery. For the purpose of special study, I spent some months in Vienna, before entering into private practice, and there, by means of some recommendations, I gained entrance to various circles of people like myself. I there learned that the abnormality in question, in its various forms, is spread through the lower classes as well as the higher, and that those who are approachable for money are not infrequently met among the higher classes.

“When I established myself in the country, I hoped to cure myself of the morphine habit by means of cocaine; and then I became a victim of cocaine, which, only after three relapses, I was able to rid myself of (about two years ago). In my position, it was impossible for me to find sexual satisfaction, and I noticed with pleasure that the use of cocaine had overcome my desire. When, on the first occasion, at the urgent request of my aunt, I had emancipated myself from cocaine, I traveled for a few weeks, in order to improve my health, the perverse impulses were again awakened in their old strength, and, one evening, while out in the fields by the city amusing myself with a man, I noticed that I had been detected by the authorities and advertised; but that the act of which I was accused was not punishable, in accordance with the opinion expressed by the highest court of the German kingdom. I had, therefore, to be careful; for already the announcement of the crime had been heralded on all sides. I saw that, after this, I would be compelled to leave Germany, and find a new home where neither the law nor public opinion would be opposed to that impulse, which, like all abnormal instincts, could not be overcome by the will. Since I was never deceived for a moment about the matter, in recognizing my impulses as opposed to social usages, I repeatedly attempted to become master of them; but by these efforts they were increased in power. This same observation has been communicated to me by acquaintances. Since I was exclusively drawn toward strong, youthful, and masculine individuals, and they were very seldom inclined to yield to my wishes, I was compelled to buy them. Since my desire was limited to persons of the lower classes, I was always able to find such as were purchasable with money. I hope that the following statements will not awaken your repugnance. At first I intended to omit them; but, for the completeness of this communication, I may include them, since they serve to enrich the clinical material. I am compelled to perform the sexual act in the following way:—

“Pene juvenis in os recepto, ita ut commovendo ore meo effecerim, ut is quem cupio, semen ejaculaverit, sperma in perinæum exspuo, femora comprimi jubeo et penem meum adversus et intra femora compressa