Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/289

Rh normally developed genitals. Dr. X. furnished me, a short time ago, with his autobiography, of which the following is worthy of mention:—

“When, at the age of seven, I entered the private school, I felt very uncomfortable, and found very little sympathy with my companions. Only toward one of them, who was a very handsome child, did I feel attracted, and I loved him wildly. In childish games I always knew how to arrange it so that I could appear in feminine attire; and my greatest pleasure was to form intricate coiffures for our servant-girls. I often regretted that I was not a girl.

“My sexual instinct awakened when I was thirteen, and from the moment of its appearance was directed toward youthful, strong men. At first I was not really certain that this was abnormal, but consciousness of it came when I saw and heard how my companions were characterized sexually. I began to masturbate at the age of thirteen. At seventeen I left home and went to the Gymnasium of a large Capital, where I was put to board with a married professor of the Gymnasium, with whose son I afterward had sexual relations. It was with him that I first had sexual satisfaction. Thereafter I made the acquaintance of a young artist, who very soon noticed that I was abnormal, and confessed to me that he was in the same condition. I learned from him that this abnormality was very frequent; and this knowledge overcame the trouble that I had had in supposing that I was alone in my abnormality. This young man had an extensive acquaintance with persons in like condition, to which he introduced me. There I became the object of general attention, for on all sides I was declared to be very attractive physically. I soon became insanely loved by an old gentleman; but, not finding him to my taste, I endured him but a short time, and then gave ear to a young and handsome officer who lay at my feet. He was really my first love.

“After passing my final examination, at the age of nineteen, free from the discipline of school, I made the acquaintance of a great number of people like myself, and among them Karl Ulrichs (Numa Numantinus).

“When, later, I took up the study of medicine, and associated with many normal youths, I was often in a position where I was compelled to visit public prostitutes. After having consorted to no purpose with various prostitutes, some of whom were very beautiful, the opinion was spread among my acquaintances that I was impotent, and I strengthened this by telling of previous sexual excesses. At that time I had numerous external relations with persons who prized my physical peculiarities, which were considered very beautiful. The result of this was, that I was exciting somebody all the time; and I received such a mass of love-letters that I was often in embarrassment. The acme of this was reached later, when, as a physician, I lived in the hospital. There I moved about like a celebrated person, and the scenes of jealousy that took place, on my