Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/279

Rh “For a year, by means of the greatest exercise of my will, I abstained; then I went to the Capital to force myself to cohabit with a woman. I, who at the sight of the dirtiest ragamuffin had painful erections, could scarcely induce one with the most beautiful woman. Overcome, I returned home and obtained a young man-servant for my personal service and satisfaction.

“The solitude of life as a country physician, and the longing for children, drove me to marriage; besides, I wished to make an end to gossip, and I hoped finally to triumph over my fatal desire.

“I knew a young girl, of whose respect and love for me I was convinced. Through my esteem and honor for my wife, I was enabled to perform the conjugal duties, and begat four boys. The boyish appearance of my wife was of effectual assistance. I called her my ‘Raphael.’ I forced into my fancy images of boys, in order to induce erection. If my fancy ceased for a moment, the erection failed. I was unable to sleep with my wife. Within the last few years coitus has become constantly more difficult to attain, and for two years we have given up all attempts. My wife knows my mental condition, and her esteem and love for me may become estranged.

“My sexual inclination for my own sex is unchanged, and, unfortunately, too often forces me to become untrue to my wife. To this day, the sight of a youth of sixteen puts me into violent sexual excitement with painful erections, so that occasionally Iam compelled to help myself with manustupration of him and onanism on myself.

“The sufferings I endure are indescribleindescribable [sic]. Faute de mieux, I have my wife practice manustupration on me; but what my wife’s hand accomplishes with great effort in half an hour is produced by the hand of a boy in a few seconds. Thus I live, miserable, a slave of the law and of my duty to my wife! I never had pleasure in active or passive pederasty. If I ever practiced or suffered it, it was only from gratitude or desire to please.”

The physician to whom I owe the preceding autobiography assures me that he, up to this time, has had sexual intercourse with at least six hundred urnings. There were, indeed, many among them who to-day occupy high and respected positions. Only about ten per cent. of them came later to love women. Another portion did not avoid women, but were more inclined to their own sex; the remainder were exclusively and lastingly urnings.

This physician asserted that among the six hundred he never found abnormal formation of the genitals; but there were, however, frequent approaches to the female form, as well as