Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/277

Rh He gave me a pressing invitation to visit him as often as possible. The physician was a pompous man, and the father of two sons aged fourteen and fifteen respectively, with whom in the following year I entered into love-relations similar to those I had with my friend H.

“I was ashamed of my unfaithfulness to him, but at the same time continued my relations with the physician. He practiced mutual masturbation with me, showed me our spermatozoa under the microscope, and pornographic works and pictures, which, however, did not please me, because I had interest only for male forms. On the occasion of later visits, he asked me to do him a favor which he had never yet enjoyed, and which he very much desired. Since I loved him, I acquiesced in everything. He dilated my anus with instruments, and practiced pederasty on me, and at the same time performed masturbation, so that I experienced pleasure and pain at once. After this discovery I went immediately to my friend H., with the thought that this beloved man would be able to give me still greater pleasure. We practiced pederasty on each other, but were both deceived, and did not repeat it; for passively I had only pain, and actively no pleasure, while mutual onanism gave us both the greatest enjoyment. Thereafter, out of gratitude, I was still frequently at the disposal of the physician only. Up to my fifteenth year I practiced passive or mutual onanism with my friend. Now I was quite grown, and had all kinds of signs made to me by women and girls; but I fled from them as Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife. At fifteen I came to the Capital. I had but infrequent opportunity for the satisfaction of my sexual inclination. I reveled in the sight of pictures and statues of male forms, and could not keep from kissing the beloved statues. The fig-leaves on the genitals were my principal annoyance.

“At seventeen I went to the University. There, again, I lived two years with my friend H.

“When I was in my eighteenth year, while in a state of mild intoxication, I was set on to have coitus with a woman. I forced myself to it, but immediately afterward I fled the house, overcome with disgust. Just as after the first active manustupration, I had a feeling as if I had committed a crime. On the occasion of another attempt, while in a sober condition, in spite of every effort of a beautiful naked girl, I could not get an erection; though the mere sight of a boy or the touch of a man’s hand on my thigh, would always throw my penis into violent erection. A short time before, my friend H. had had a similar experience. In vain we racked our brains to discover the reason for it. Now I let women alone, and found enjoyment with friends in passive and mutual onanism, among others with both the sons of the physician, who had used them for pederasty after my departure.

“When nineteen years old, I made the acquaintance of two genuine urnings:—

“A., aged 56, of effeminate appearance, beardless, of small