Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/276

258 my body is hairless. The penis, even soon after birth unusually large, measures, in statu erectionis, 24 centimetres long by 11 centimetres in circumference. I am a skillful rider, athlete, and swimmer, and have passed through two great campaigns as a military surgeon. I never experienced any taste for female attire and vocation. Up to the time of puberty I was shy toward the female sex, and I am yet shy with new acquaintances.

“I have always had a distaste for dancing. In my eighth year an inclination for my own sex made its appearance. I next experienced pleasure in regarding my brother’s genitals. I induced my brother to indulge with me in mutual fondling of the genitals, as a result of which I had an erection. Later, in bathing with the school-children, the boys excited a lively interest in me; the girls, none at all. I had so little interest in them that, as late as my fifteenth year, I believed that they also had a penis. In company with boys like myself, I took pleasure in mutual manustupration. At eleven and a half years I was given a strict tutor, and thereafter could steal to my friends but seldom. I learned very easily, but could not get along with my teacher; and when one day he made it too hard for me, I became furious and struck at him with a knife, and would have gladly stabbed him, if he had not fallen into my arms. In my thirteenth year, for a similar cause, I escaped from the teacher, and wandered about for six weeks in the neighboring country.

“I now entered the Gymnasium. At that time I was already sexually developed, and amused myself while bathing with my comrades in the way above mentioned, and later by imitatio coitus between the thighs. I was then thirteen years old. I took absolutely no pleasure with girls. Violent erections caused me to play with my genitals, and I came to take my penis in my mouth, which I succeeded in doing by bending over. This induced ejaculation. I thus learned masturbation. I was much frightened, looked upon myself as a criminal, and confessed to a companion of sixteen. He encouraged and quieted me, and entered into a love-bond with me. We were happy, and satisfied ourselves by mutual onanism. At the same time, I masturbated. After two years the bond was broken; but to this day, when we occasionally meet,—my friend is a high official,—the old fire lights up anew.

“That time with my friend H. was a happy one, the return of which I would gladly buy with my heart’s blood. Then life was a pleasure, learning was mere play, and I had a feeling for everything beautiful.

“During this time a physician, a friend of my father’s, seduced me by caressing me and practicing masturbation on me on the occasion of a visit, and by explaining the sexual act to me. He advised me never to practice manustupration, since it was injurious to health. He then practiced mutual onanism with me, and explained that this was the only way in which he could perform the sexual function. He had a horror of women, and, therefore, had lived unhappily with his deceased wife.