Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/233

Rh “To be a man and to be compelled to feel that chaque femme est futuée ou elle désire d’être, is hardly to be endured.”

The foregoing autobiography, scientifically so important, was accompanied by the following no less interesting letter:—

“: I must next beg your indulgence for troubling you with my communication. I lost all control, and thought of myself only as a monster before which I myself shuddered. Then your work gave me courage again; and I determined to go to the bottom of the matter, and examine my past life, let the result be what it might. It seemed a duty of gratitude to you to tell you the result of my recollection and observation, since I had not seen any description by you of an analogous case; and, finally, I also thought it might perhaps interest you to learn, from the pen of a physician, how such a worthless human, or masculine, being thinks and feels under the weight of the imperative idea of being a woman.

“It is not perfect; but I no longer have the strength to reflect more upon it, and have no desire to go into the matter more deeply. Much is repeated; but I beg you to remember that any mask may be allowed to fall off, particularly when it is not voluntarily worn, but enforced.

“After reading your work, I hope that, if I fulfill my duties as physician, citizen, father, and husband, I may still count myself among human beings who do not deserve merely to be despised.

“Finally, I wished to lay the result of my recollection and reflection before you, in order to show that one thinking and feeling like a woman can still be a physician. I consider it a great injustice to debar woman from Medicine. A woman, through her feeling, gets on the track of many ailments which, in spite of all skill in diagnosis, remain obscure to a man; at least, in the diseases of women and children. If I could have my way, I should have every physician live the life of a woman for three months; then he would have a better understanding and more consideration in matters affecting the half of humanity from which he comes; then he would learn to value the greatness of women, and appreciate the difficulty of their lot.”

Remarks: The badly-tainted patient is originally psycho-sexually abnormal, in that, in character and in the sexual act, he feels as a female. This abnormal feeling remained purely a psychical anomaly until three years ago, when, owing to severe neurasthenia, it received overmastering support in imperative bodily sensations of a transmutatio sexus, which now dominate consciousness. Then, to the patient’s horror, he felt bodily like a woman; and, under the impulse of his imperative feminine sensations, he experienced a complete transformation of his former masculine feeling, thought, and will; in fact, of his whole vita sexualis, in the sense of eviration. At the same time, his ego is able to control these abnormal psycho-physical manifestations, and prevent descent to paranoia,—a