Page:Psychopathia Sexualis (tr. Chaddock, 1892).djvu/232

214 arm or the bed-clothing must not touch the mammæ, or there is no sleep; and there must be no pressure on the abdomen. I sleep best in a chemise and night-robe, and with gloves on; for my hands easily get cold. I am also comfortable in female drawers and petticoats, because they do not touch the genitals. I liked female dresses best when crinoline was worn. Female dresses do not annoy the feminine-feeling man; for he, like every woman, feels them as belonging to his person, and not as something foreign.

“My dearest associate is a lady suffering with neurasthenia, who, since her last confinement, feels like a man, but who, since I explained these feelings to her, coitu abstinet as much as possible, a thing I, as a husband, dare not do. She, by her example, helps me to endure my condition. She has a more perfect memory of the female feelings, and has often given me good advice. Were she a man and I a young girl, I should seek to win her; for her I should be glad to endure the fate of a woman. But her present appearance is quite different from what it formerly was. She is a very elegantly dressed gentleman, notwithstanding bosom and hair; she also speaks quickly and concisely, and no longer takes pleasure in the things that please me. She has a kind of melancholy dissatisfaction with the world, but she bears her fate worthily and with resignation, finding her comfort only in religion and the fulfillment of duty. At the time of the menses, she almost dies. She no longer likes female society and conversation, and has no liking for delicacies.

“A youthful friend felt like a girl from the very first, but he had inclinations toward the male sex. His sister had the opposite condition; and when the uterus demanded its right, and she saw herself as a loving woman, in spite of her masculinity, she cut the matter short, and committed suicide by drowning.

“Since complete effemination, the principal changes I have observed in myself are:—

“1. The constant feeling of being a woman from top to toe.

“2. The constant feeling of having female genitals.

“3. The periodicity of the monthly molimen.

“4. The regular occurrence of female desire, though not directed to any particular man.

“5. The passive female feeling in coitus.

“6. After that, the feeling of impregnation.

“7. The female feeling in thought of coitus.

“8. At the sight of women, the feeling of a of their kind, and the feminine interest in them.

“9. At the sight of men, the feminine interest in them.

“10. At the sight of children, the same feeling.

“11. The changed disposition and much greater patience.

“12. The final resignation to my fate, for which I have nothing to thank but positive religion; without it I should have long ago committed suicide.